The Goddess Outside the Temple

Nisha stifled a yawn and earned a hit on her elbow from her mother who was sitting beside her. She looked into her mother’s eyes and felt that they were asking the inevitable question – “Yawning inside the temple???”

Nisha felt a stab of guilt and tried to concentrate on her prayer book. It was a long prayer addressed to the Goddess. It was supposed to give peace and power to the reader. Ironically, Nisha felt neither peaceful nor powerful here. Going to the temple was something that she always dreaded. Firstly, she had always been intimidated by the Goddess. It probably had something to do with having a strict mother. Secondly, she didn’t believe that God or Goddess existed. Her excuse was the classic excuse given by half of the people of her generation – If there really is a Higher Power, then why is the world in such a state? She never really believed that prayers would help her to get good marks in her college exams or cure a broken heart. She was ‘practical’, she liked to say.

Nisha shook her head and brought her attention back to the book. The other ladies who were reading the prayer had advanced far ahead, she realized. She gave up her pretense of reading and instead looked around. She felt a pang as she saw devotion etched into the face of every reader. She longed for that kind of child-like faith and trust.

“Bored?” She heard the lady seated beside her whisper to her. She turned around and saw the lady smiling at her with amusement. She was very beautiful to look at. A large red Bhindi, black curly long hair and a very pretty face with a beautiful smile… Nisha felt unsure about how to react. She kept looking at the lady with a confused expression on her face.

“That’s ok. Even I am bored, you know…” The lady said.

Nisha smiled with relief and whispered to her. “This prayer is very long. I can’t concentrate for more than five minutes. I wonder how these ladies can read with so much focus and concentration…”

“Even I wonder that too. You know, you have to give credit to them. Not many people can do that. Tell me, are you fasting too, as it is Ekadashi today?”

Nisha automatically shook her head in response. “I can’t fast at all. In fact, the day I decide to fast, on the same day, I feel like eating more food. I keep thinking about food for the whole day. I tried once or twice, and then I gave it up.”

The lady laughed heartily. “It’s ok. If it is difficult for you, you should not do that. The whole idea behind fasting is just to cleanse your body and not to please any deity. I really don’t think any God or Goddess would want you to fast to give blessings to you. That sort of feels like a trade, isn’t it?”

Nisha decided that she liked this lady a lot. She was precisely saying those very things which Nisha always thought but was too reluctant to admit publicly.

“It’s so refreshing to meet someone who shares my views. I just wish I were as open-minded and honest as you are.”

The lady nodded her head with understanding and said. “In fact, I believe in a different kind of fasting. Just like people abstain from eating food on Ekadashi, why can’t we abstain from thinking negative thoughts for one day, twice a month? It would work wonders for our mind if we can go one day without any gossip, negativity, arguments or fights. What a difference it would make!”

Nisha was struck with the idea. “Why not everyday? Why for just two days in a month? This is an awesome idea!”

“Oh, you think it is that easy to stop negativity? You try it for two minutes. For two whole minutes, try not to think negative about anybody or anyone. Your time starts now.” The lady gestured to her watch and gave a challenging smile to Nisha.

“I can do that.” Nisha said confidently and sat silent. What does she think of herself, challenging me in this manner? I can do this! For two minutes I can stop thinking negative and I will show this lady what I can really do… Just when I thought I liked her… Shows, how wrong we can assume about people… I can do this.. I won’t think negative for… Nisha’s fell face when she realized that for the first whole minute she had already thought negative thoughts about the lady.

She looked sheepishly at the lady and saw her smiling with amusement.

“Agree that it is difficult?” The lady asked her kindly and Nisha nodded with a slight smile.

“You know what, on Ekadashi, along with abstaining from eating too much food, we should also refrain from thinking negative or being negative. It will be difficult at first, but I guess with time, we will learn. How wonderful it would be if for one whole day, we ignore everyone’s mistakes, we do not fight or argue or gossip about anyone and just let go of our ego totally! I wish people would do that…”

Nisha nodded and smiled at her. They both sat silent and looked around. The ladies were reading the prayer reverentially.

“You don’t believe in prayers, do you?” The lady asked Nisha.

“No, I don’t. It is easier to believe in prayers when you are a child and the world is filled with just happiness and peace. As I grew up, I realized that my deeds are more deciduous of my results than prayers. If I don’t study at all and attempt an exam, no prayer in the world can save me.”

“That’s also a good system of belief. When you know that your deeds will determine your results, you will act responsibly, I guess. It’s good.”

“What do you believe in?” Nisha asked the lady.

The lady thought for a while. “I believe that, to each one, his/her own way… At the end, no one is really going to make it alive. Whatever people find easier to believe, and whatever makes them strive to lead a good life, let them choose that. It’s as simple as that. Why to complicate with theories and proofs and beliefs?”

“Wow. That’s cool.” Nisha looked at the lady, thoroughly impressed. She looked at the deity of the temple. The Goddess looked serene and beautiful, but totally unapproachable, she thought. Immediately she felt guilty.

“Tell me something.” Nisha began hesitatingly. “Do you really think that God or Goddess exists?”

“Oh my, the Question of centuries!” The lady laughed lightly. She kept quiet for few minutes, seemingly pondering over the question. “Okay, what do you think?”

“I asked it first!” Came Nisha’s automatic response and it made the lady laugh again.

“Such a child. All right, I think that God or Goddess exists. There is a force which is the witness of the history of the universe. I won’t say it governs, but it exists and witnesses everything that has been happening since the beginning.”

“Very clever of you. By saying that the force witnesses and doesn’t govern, you effectively stopped my next question.” Nisha said admonishingly while the lady’s eyes twinkled with merriment.

“I know what you would have asked. Why do bad things happen if there is a Higher Power. Right?”

Nisha nodded her head and looked expectantly at the lady.

“Well, that’s a topic for another time to discuss.” The lady said and gave her a mysterious smile.

“Do you live nearby?” Nisha asked her.

“Yes, I stay very close to you, actually.”

“Oh really, that’s great to know!” Nisha said happily. She must be mom’s friend…

“I think the prayer session is over.” The lady gestured towards the ladies who had finished their prayer and were now seated with folded hands and closed eyes.

“I guess I can leave now.” Nisha said with relief. She was about to get up when she saw that the lady hadn’t risen. “Oh wait, I had the best conversation of my life with you and I didn’t even ask your name.” Nisha laughed and looked at the lady.

There was a sudden shift in the air and Nisha felt something stir in her heart when she looked at the lady who seemed to grow more beautiful by the minute.

“Ha, my favourite question! I am known by many names, but my personal favorite is Shri. It stands for everything that is feminine, auspicious and powerful. Just like me!” The Lady said with her mystic smile and as She smiled at Nisha, the latter felt wave after wave of love hit her till the universe was nothing but a huge ocean of love.

When Nisha recovered her senses, she realized that she was still seated inside the temple and the other ladies were still in the same position. It was as if time had stopped for few precious moments. She looked around herself and found that she was alone.

No, you are never alone. I am there, inside the temple and outside… I am there wherever you are.

Nisha’s eyes filled up as she heard the voice whisper to her and she folded her hands in supplication and fell prostrate before the deity of the temple. I believe… her heart said finally.