You will never change your life until you change something you do daily.
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The next one to visit Arjun was Mrs.Sharma.
She stepped inside the cabin with the air of someone who had grown quite comfortable there. She gave him a full, warm smile and Arjun found himself smiling back at her. If he was allowed to have favourites, she would have made it to the top of the list.
She was one of those rare, blessed souls who were their own sunshine. She had such a positive aura that anyone who came into her vicinity was sure to feel calm. She always smiled, come what may. And that smile of hers added ounces to her natural beauty that came from a clean and pure heart.
So what was she doing in his cabin? Nothing. She felt the need for therapy because - she felt her life had grown dull. Monotonous. There was nothing exciting to look forward to.
And also because, she was unfortunate enough to land into a very difficult family, a family of people quick to anger, hurt and criticize, people who were battling their own inner demons and took out their rage and frustration on her.
Arjun could never understand what made her stay. Often he wished that she would find a way to break free from a place where she wasn't appreciated, where her presence was taken for granted. But as a psychiatrist, he wasn't supposed to directly influence people to take decisions. He could only assist them to think about what was good for them. What they did thereafter was solely at their discretion.
"Good morning, Arjun." She sat on the chair and smiled at him. She was one of those rare people who addressed him by his name.
"Good morning, Mrs.Sharma. And how is my favourite person today?" He asked brightly.
"Fine, and I know that you say this to every person you meet," She grinned at him and he laughed.
"No, not every person. But some people, for sure. So tell me, what is new. How have you been?"
"Things are going fine as usual." She said but there was something sad about her today. Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes, as Arjun observed.
"And yet your smile isn't as blinding as it is usually. Something is bothering you."
She gave him a resigned look that spoke volumes of how much she was hurting within.
"You know, today began as just another day. I did my chores as usual and tried not to give any reason to anyone to complain or fret."
You don't have to do that... Arjun thought sadly.
"Anyways, it so happened that someone from the family taunted me today, about not contributing financially to the home."
Arjun really wished she would disclose more about her family. She never mentioned the people who ill-treated her. It was always 'someone'.
"You are raising your daughter, looking after the elders, and taking care of the whole family. Doesn't this matter more than any kind of financial contribution?" Arjun asked gently.
She smiled and nodded her head. Cleared her throat and went on. "Well, I spoke to my husband and he said - By now you are already used to it, aren't you."
She paused. For few minutes, no one spoke.
"I think something else is troubling you. This is not the only matter, am I right?"
Her face was now a picture of sheer hurt. She spoke slowly. "Before that someone taunted me, they made sure that they had my complete attention."
"I didn't understand."
"I was engrossed in some work when they stood behind me. They waited till I finished my work and looked around at them. And then they hurled the taunt on me."
"What bothers you most about this?"
"The pause. They paused, just so that I can fully bear the effect of their words. Couldn't that pause helped them to reflect on what they were going to say, and why? They paused, Arjun, so that they could ensure that I would definitely feel the sting of the taunt. I can't help thinking how much they must have willed to hurt me. I wish I knew why. "
Arjun didn't say anything, for he sensed that more was to come.
"And then, when my husband said that I am already used to it... It was the truth, you know.. Somehow I became used to being disrespected, being ill-treated, being shouted at. And it disgusted me, for the first time. I am feeling angry with myself for getting used to this kind of treatment."
There were tears in her eyes but Arjun felt immense relief. May be there is hope for you now...
She needed to cry it out, so Arjun got up from his seat and walked towards the window of the cabin. He looked down and the busy road teeming with vehicles and people. How many of you are suffering silently, he thought sadly. He turned back and saw that Mrs.Sharma seemed composed now. He walked back towards his chair and handed over a glass of water to her. She smiled gratefully at him and took the glass.
"I am sorry, I am not usually the one to complain, you know. I just assumed that whatever I was feeling was just some kind of mid-life crisis. But it seems to have deeper roots." She sniffed.
"Okay, first things first, you don't look one bit middle-aged. If nothing, you look like you are in the prime of your youth." This made her smile, which was his intention.
"And secondly, it is okay to cry, to complain at times. The more you keep everything bottled up, the more you will feel the impact when all the pent-up emotions get released. So, you can complain and cry, that's why I am here."
She looked at him sadly. "I wish I could know what I can do know. I mean, I am in my forties. My whole life has gone by in serving my family, before and after my marriage. I guess I never spared a thought for myself. What can I possibly do now?"
Arjun thought for a while. He suddenly brightened up, for he had found a way to make her think about herself for a change.
"I will give you an assignment. Will you do it?" He asked eagerly.
"What would it require from me?" She asked hesitatingly.
"Nothing! Just a few precious minutes of your time. I want you to buy a nice notebook, something with a pretty cover that you like. And your favourite pen."
She looked at him in confusion.
"And name it as your Dream Journal. And for the first entry, you have to answer this question - If there were no limitations, no objections, no hurdles, what are the things you would like to do? You have to answer this with the assumption that for now, you are totally on your alone, with no one to stop you, or judge you, no hurdles at all. Just unlimited freedom and resources to do whatever you want to do. What all things would you do then? Prepare a list. There are no limitations for the number of entries. Can you do this?"
She thought for a while and straightened up. "Wow, I have never even thought about what I wanted. I guess this should be a fun exercise. Yeah, this feels like something I can do."
"Great! Show it to me the next time you come here. We can then decide about how to proceed ahead."
"All right then. I guess this is all for today." She said and got up from her seat. He walked with her to the door.
She turned around and looked at him with a bright smile. "I am so excited - all the things I want to do! I can now think about them. It feels soothing already."
"This is just the beginning. Gear up, for some really great things are on your way from now." Arjun said warmly. As he saw her walk with a new vigour in her step, he smiled from within. She had already taken the first step by realizing that she deserved better. Now he just had to help her know what she really wanted from life.
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The next one to visit Arjun was Mrs.Sharma.
She stepped inside the cabin with the air of someone who had grown quite comfortable there. She gave him a full, warm smile and Arjun found himself smiling back at her. If he was allowed to have favourites, she would have made it to the top of the list.
She was one of those rare, blessed souls who were their own sunshine. She had such a positive aura that anyone who came into her vicinity was sure to feel calm. She always smiled, come what may. And that smile of hers added ounces to her natural beauty that came from a clean and pure heart.
So what was she doing in his cabin? Nothing. She felt the need for therapy because - she felt her life had grown dull. Monotonous. There was nothing exciting to look forward to.
And also because, she was unfortunate enough to land into a very difficult family, a family of people quick to anger, hurt and criticize, people who were battling their own inner demons and took out their rage and frustration on her.
Arjun could never understand what made her stay. Often he wished that she would find a way to break free from a place where she wasn't appreciated, where her presence was taken for granted. But as a psychiatrist, he wasn't supposed to directly influence people to take decisions. He could only assist them to think about what was good for them. What they did thereafter was solely at their discretion.
"Good morning, Arjun." She sat on the chair and smiled at him. She was one of those rare people who addressed him by his name.
"Good morning, Mrs.Sharma. And how is my favourite person today?" He asked brightly.
"Fine, and I know that you say this to every person you meet," She grinned at him and he laughed.
"No, not every person. But some people, for sure. So tell me, what is new. How have you been?"
"Things are going fine as usual." She said but there was something sad about her today. Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes, as Arjun observed.
"And yet your smile isn't as blinding as it is usually. Something is bothering you."
She gave him a resigned look that spoke volumes of how much she was hurting within.
"You know, today began as just another day. I did my chores as usual and tried not to give any reason to anyone to complain or fret."
You don't have to do that... Arjun thought sadly.
"Anyways, it so happened that someone from the family taunted me today, about not contributing financially to the home."
Arjun really wished she would disclose more about her family. She never mentioned the people who ill-treated her. It was always 'someone'.
"You are raising your daughter, looking after the elders, and taking care of the whole family. Doesn't this matter more than any kind of financial contribution?" Arjun asked gently.
She smiled and nodded her head. Cleared her throat and went on. "Well, I spoke to my husband and he said - By now you are already used to it, aren't you."
She paused. For few minutes, no one spoke.
"I think something else is troubling you. This is not the only matter, am I right?"
Her face was now a picture of sheer hurt. She spoke slowly. "Before that someone taunted me, they made sure that they had my complete attention."
"I didn't understand."
"I was engrossed in some work when they stood behind me. They waited till I finished my work and looked around at them. And then they hurled the taunt on me."
"What bothers you most about this?"
"The pause. They paused, just so that I can fully bear the effect of their words. Couldn't that pause helped them to reflect on what they were going to say, and why? They paused, Arjun, so that they could ensure that I would definitely feel the sting of the taunt. I can't help thinking how much they must have willed to hurt me. I wish I knew why. "
Arjun didn't say anything, for he sensed that more was to come.
"And then, when my husband said that I am already used to it... It was the truth, you know.. Somehow I became used to being disrespected, being ill-treated, being shouted at. And it disgusted me, for the first time. I am feeling angry with myself for getting used to this kind of treatment."
There were tears in her eyes but Arjun felt immense relief. May be there is hope for you now...
She needed to cry it out, so Arjun got up from his seat and walked towards the window of the cabin. He looked down and the busy road teeming with vehicles and people. How many of you are suffering silently, he thought sadly. He turned back and saw that Mrs.Sharma seemed composed now. He walked back towards his chair and handed over a glass of water to her. She smiled gratefully at him and took the glass.
"I am sorry, I am not usually the one to complain, you know. I just assumed that whatever I was feeling was just some kind of mid-life crisis. But it seems to have deeper roots." She sniffed.
"Okay, first things first, you don't look one bit middle-aged. If nothing, you look like you are in the prime of your youth." This made her smile, which was his intention.
"And secondly, it is okay to cry, to complain at times. The more you keep everything bottled up, the more you will feel the impact when all the pent-up emotions get released. So, you can complain and cry, that's why I am here."
She looked at him sadly. "I wish I could know what I can do know. I mean, I am in my forties. My whole life has gone by in serving my family, before and after my marriage. I guess I never spared a thought for myself. What can I possibly do now?"
Arjun thought for a while. He suddenly brightened up, for he had found a way to make her think about herself for a change.
"I will give you an assignment. Will you do it?" He asked eagerly.
"What would it require from me?" She asked hesitatingly.
"Nothing! Just a few precious minutes of your time. I want you to buy a nice notebook, something with a pretty cover that you like. And your favourite pen."
She looked at him in confusion.
"And name it as your Dream Journal. And for the first entry, you have to answer this question - If there were no limitations, no objections, no hurdles, what are the things you would like to do? You have to answer this with the assumption that for now, you are totally on your alone, with no one to stop you, or judge you, no hurdles at all. Just unlimited freedom and resources to do whatever you want to do. What all things would you do then? Prepare a list. There are no limitations for the number of entries. Can you do this?"
She thought for a while and straightened up. "Wow, I have never even thought about what I wanted. I guess this should be a fun exercise. Yeah, this feels like something I can do."
"Great! Show it to me the next time you come here. We can then decide about how to proceed ahead."
"All right then. I guess this is all for today." She said and got up from her seat. He walked with her to the door.
She turned around and looked at him with a bright smile. "I am so excited - all the things I want to do! I can now think about them. It feels soothing already."
"This is just the beginning. Gear up, for some really great things are on your way from now." Arjun said warmly. As he saw her walk with a new vigour in her step, he smiled from within. She had already taken the first step by realizing that she deserved better. Now he just had to help her know what she really wanted from life.
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