I am not alone because loneliness is always with me.
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The next person to walk in was Mr.Kapoor.
Arjun greeted him warmly and like always, secretly wished that he too could age as gracefully as Mr.Kapoor. At the age of seventy, the senior still retained his tall and unbent physique and looked every bit classy and regal. Tanned face still unmarked by the vistage of time, thick white hair neatly combed to a side and the cane in hand completed the whole picture.
"Good morning, Son." Just another reason why Arjun had immediately warmed up to the senior. Very few people addressed him so.
"Let me order tea for us. I have missed your regular visits." Arjun called up the tea-vendor who had his stall opposite to his office and ordered tea. Mr.Kapoor waited patiently till Arjun had finished the call.
"I feel like I take up too much of your time. And then you go the extra mile to order tea or something else, always. I feel like I bother you." Mr.Kapoor said with a slight smile.
"Oh not at all, Mr.Kapoor! It is sheer delight to talk with you, I assure you. Now tell me how have you been doing, Sir?"
Mr.Kapoor sat up straighter in his seat and cleared his throat. "Well, I searched for a retirement home for me."
Before Arjun could react, there was a knock on his door and a man walked in with two glasses of tea. He greeted both Arjun and Mr.Kapoor, chatted with the senior for a few minutes and left.
Arjun sipped on his tea. It was delicious. "So what made you finally do this, Sir?"
Mr.Kapoor took his own time to reply. His fingers shook a little as he lifted the glass. "It has been due since a long time, this decision to move out. I have the perfect family anyone could ask for, you know. My son, my daughter-in-law and grand-daughter love me, and take care of me. I couldn't have asked for a better home to live in."
Arjun waited for the 'But..' that he knew would come.
"But it is not the same after Mrs.Kapoor passed away." Mr.Kapoor's voice quivered a little at the mention of his late wife. "Inspite of being surrounded by the best family I could hope for, I still feel like I don't belong there. I belong with Mrs. Kapoor. We were a team, we were supposed to stay together. She shouldn't have bailed out on me like this." Mr.Kapoor's eyes teared up a little and he looked towards a window from where the clear sky was visible.
Arjun allowed the senior some time to sober up. "What can I do to make this easier for you, Sir?" He asked gently and earnestly.
"Oh you have already done, son! My sessions with you since Mrs.Kapoor's death have helped me to cope with the grief. But I don't want the grief to end. She was one of a kind, you know. Loved me so deeply, and I loved her too. Her life deserves to be both celebrated and grieved. You never, ever stop grieving for someone like her."
"I can understand, Sir. Grief is a natural mechanism for the heart to heal. I am not saying that you should not grieve. I am just telling you to find a way to live peacefully, inspite of your grief."
Mr.Kapoor nodded thoughtfully. "Yes, and I don't feel at peace in my own house. And that is why I need to leave. I need to be in solitude, and yet among people whom I can relate to. The people in the retirement homes have lived their lives, like me. I feel connected to them already. And when you are at a place where you aren't much familiar with the people, you get both solitude and company. That is why I decided to move out."
Mr.Kapoor fumbled inside his bag, searching for something. Arjun waited patiently. Soon enough, the senior took out a brochure and gave it to Arjun. It was a brochure advertising the retirement home. It looked blissful, with individual little cottages, a temple, enough tracks for walking, an ampitheatre where some functions could be held and other necessities like ATM, medical store and a super-market. It was impressive enough.
"Have you discussed this with your son?" Arjun asked.
"Yes, I had discussed this with him much before our therapy sessions began. He wanted me to heal first, before being on my own. He understood my need for solitude and peace. The retirement home that I have chosen is in the same city, so I won't be away from him."
Arjun nodded and handed over the brochure to Mr.Kapoor. "Whatever makes you peaceful from within, Sir.. We all just want you to live a happy life."
"Happiness.. that is long gone. It went away with Mrs.Kapoor. I was happy when she was around. What hurts the most is, she was so healthy and in the prime of her life. One evening, we both are playing Ludo and I lose badly to her. I even get a bit cranky because of that. And that night, she decides to pass away in her sleep. A heart-attack, they said. I can't help feeling whether she felt any pain. Did she call out to me and I was too deep in sleep to hear? I can't help thinking about this."
"You cannot stress over questions which do not have any answer, Sir. The fact is, Mrs.Kapoor has passed away. And you still have a life to live, to lead and to inspire. Find the thing that motivates you to wake up every morning, Sir. Physically, you are fine, faring much better than most of the seniors today. Mentally, you need to accept and move on. Life is precious, Sir, and needs to be lived fully."
"Yes." Mr.Kapoor said without any feeling. He got up slowly. "I will come to meet you again before I leave for the home. Once I go there..." Mr.Kapoor looked doubtful for the first time since his visit.
"Once you go there, you can still come and meet me anytime, Sir. I will miss our tea sessions together." Arjun smiled.
"Okay, I feel better. You are a good person, Arjun. Your parents must be so proud of you."
Arjun beamed, feeling grateful that both his parents were still hale and hearty and very much together. He got up from his seat to escort the senior outside.
"Have you ever seen or heard about the telecom, The Golden Girls?" Mr.Kapoor asked out of the blue.
"Yes, I have heard about it. But I haven't seen any episode."
Mr.Kapoor paused at the door of the cabin. "You know, it was Mrs.Kapoor's favourite, and I started watching it yesterday. There is this senior named Rose, and she said something very meaningful and deep. She said - We are old, and alone, and there is a lot of life ahead." He took a deep breath. "That is exactly how I feel, Son." He patted Arjun's shoulder and walked slowly towards the exit.
Arjun looked at his retreating back, realising that no amount of therapy could heal the feeling of loss and loneliness that old age brought sometimes.
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