The Solo-trip that wasn't exactly 'Solo'!!!

Write Tribe

She tapped her fingers on the wheel lightly, enjoying the soft music playing in her car and the long drive that she had embarked upon. This was the second day of her week-long solo trip. She still couldn’t believe that she was finally living one of her most avid fantasies – travelling alone without a plan and just going with the flow. Yesterday evening she had picked up a random hotel (albeit a decent looking one) and had stayed there. Today morning, after a sumptuous breakfast, she had checked out and left for the highway again without a plan. It was adventurous, it was thrilling, it was all she had ever wanted to do. The car she had rented was perfect and till now everything was going really smooth.

But it hadn’t come easily for her. She had had a hard time convincing her parents to let her travel alone. Their concern for her safety was valid and really touching, but her wanderlust was like an itch that just begged to be scratched and she could not ignore it any more. After a lot of arguments and pleading, she had finally convinced them (I-will-call-you-every-hour-and-give-updates had really worked like a charm!).

The highway stretched ahead of her endlessly with the occasional drive-in and a few automotive-repair shops. She had been driving for an hour now and enjoyed the monotony of the road ahead. It was mesmerizing to drive, like a video game that one could keep on playing. It was a hot day and the sun was blazing, casting a yellow glare on the world. She decided to stop at the next drive-in to buy food and water.

She drove for almost half-n-hour till she found another drive-in at a small junction that was just off the highway. There were few vehicles parked and she could park hers very comfortably. After refreshing herself, she ordered some French-fries and a bottle of water. She waited at the counter and saw the activity around her. Few tables were occupied by families. There was a relaxed chatter and the atmosphere was homely.

Ten minutes later, she left the drive-in with the parcel in her hand and walked towards her car. She saw that the trunk of the car was slightly open. She frowned, trying to remember whether she had opened it. She was sure that the trunk had been totally ignored by her ever since she rented the car. Shrugging her shoulders, she closed the top and got inside the car. After eating the fries, she started for the rest of her drive.

About twenty minutes later, she heard a soft thump! She felt the first wave of anxiety of her trip. You can’t decide to go flat on me, here, where I can’t see a single shop! She thought in despair and willed for the tire to carry on for some more time till she could find help. To her relief, the car kept moving on. I must have imagined it. She thought, feeling silly.

The second time though, she heard the sound clearly and without a mistake. She halted at one side of the road and got down from the car, checking every tire. As she came to the back of the car, she heard the sound again. It was coming from the trunk. It seemed like someone was making the sound from inside the trunk. In another words, someone wanted her to open the trunk and let them out.

She looked around and found that she was alone on the road. The drive-in seemed too far for anyone to come to help. She felt her palms sweat and her heart palpitate. Her breath came in short gasps. So much for the blasted fantasy of a solo-travel! She jolted at the sound of another thump and wiped her palms on her clothes. Here goes nothing, she thought and with shaking fingers, she opened the top only to find a boy – presumably in his early teens, eagerly straighten up and climb out. He gave her a sheepish smile showing crooked teeth. She heaved a sigh of relief. Surely this kid, with the adorable crooked-teeth smile and the lean frame can’t be dangerous!

She didn’t smile back at him. Instead she glared at the kid for some time before she asked him. “Care to explain?”

He ran his hand at the back of his head before he replied guiltily. “Sorry, I wanted a ride.”

“And you decided that the best way to do that is to get into somebody’s car-trunk?” She asked him incredulously.

“Look, I get it. Can you just drop me a little further where I can get another vehicle? This road is starkly empty. If you leave me here, I don’t know whether I would get any other ride. I promise, at the next junction, I will leave if I get another vehicle.”

Well-played kid, well-played…. She thought drily. She obviously couldn’t leave him here. But she wasn’t going to let him off easily too.

“Get inside. Sit in the front beside me and tell me your story. I will decide what to do about you then.” She said in her strictest voice but soon lost it when the boy again gave his innocent-crooked-teeth smile in relief.

They got inside the car and she took in the small travel-bag that the kid was holding. She started the car and rode in silence for few minutes.

“Spill it. Why are you here?” She said, not taking her eyes off the road ahead.

“My dad operates the drive-in. Business is good, the flow of money is constant. My dad – he constantly wars with me. Nothing that I do is right. He has something to advise me about always. I am really fed up now. I just want to live freely, just the way I want to.” He finished petulantly and she was filled with a mixture of compassion, appreciation and amusement.

“What’s in the bag?”

“The money that I earned through tips… I have been saving since two years. I want to go to the next city. Once I reach there, I intend to work in some hotel and study too. I have enough to take care of my studies for the first year. I guess once I start working I will earn and keep up my studies.”

“Where will you live?”

There was a pause as he thought about it. “I don’t know. I have not thought about it. But I will manage.”

“What about your parents? They will go mad with worry and concern.”

“My mother died about five years ago. I don’t have any siblings. My father – he has always been aloof. He just does his duties and retires at the end of the day. It won’t matter to him whether I am there or not.” There was a slight edge to his tone as he said this. After few seconds, he added. “Of course, I will call up the drive-in after I reach the city and inform him not to worry. That will do, won’t it?” He asked, his confident façade slipping for the first time and a tone of uncertainty shadowing his voice.

“I guess. But it is wrong to run away like this. What if he files a police complaint?” This time she too felt nervous. Would they know that he was in her car?

“I will ring him up as soon as possible. I don’t think he will file a police complaint.” The boy was sounding more and more confused by now. She smiled secretly. She just knew what to say further.

“So you are an only kid. Does your dad have any other relatives around to help him in your absence?”

“No. Just the co-workers and other staff.” The kid said in a really low voice.

She stopped the car. “Have we reached the junction already?” The kid asked in panic.

“No. But I want to ensure – are you having second thoughts?”

The kid didn’t reply but looked in the direction from where they had come. There was a sadness in his gaze and she could detect slight fear in his eyes. For the first time since they had met, he was acting his age and she felt a sense of compassion and responsibility towards him.

“You know, I can drop you back at the drive-in. I really don’t mind driving all the way back. I know it sounds very adventurous – eloping from home, living in a new city, working and studying side-by-side… but it is not easy. What if you don’t get a job immediately there? Do you have enough to sustain yourself?” She asked gently.

The kid stared back at her in confusion. He said after a while. “But I am constantly at logger-heads with my dad here. I am not happy.”

“Why don’t you let me talk to your dad?”

He seemed unsure but nodded his head. With relief, she turned the car the other way round and drove back to the drive-in.

It took her twenty minutes to reach there. All the time, the boy nervously fidgeted in his seat, sometimes adjusting the buttons on his shirt, other times, trying to smooth the crease in his jeans... He hardly sat still for a minute. She smiled in amusement.

As she reached the parking lot, she saw people gathered outside the drive-in. She could easily make out the boy’s dad who looked considerably worried and scared.

“Oh no!” The kid muttered beside her and she laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and shook her head. “Don’t be scared. Come.” She got down from the car and the kid got down from his side.

The moment, his dad saw him, his expression changed from concern and worry to relief and sorrow. His eyes filled up and he shook his head muttering something under his breath.

She put a hand over the kid’s shoulder and ushered him near the entrance where his dad was standing.

“I can explain. He was hiding in the trunk of my car and said he wanted to..” She began slowly but the dad cut her off mid-speech by raising his palm in a stopping gesture. He had eyes only for his son and approached him carefully as if scared that he would run away again. When he stood near his son, he looked at him for a long while, a myriad of expressions floating on his face – grief, sorrow, relief and a slight tinge of anger.

“What did you want?” Asked the dad gruffly.

“I – I just want to live freely, dad, the way you do. I want to live on my own terms, take my own decisions, live my life just the way I want to, without you making me feel wrong about everything I do.” The boy replied in a low voice, not meeting the dad’s gaze.

For a few seconds, nobody spoke and she felt that she should say something but the dad again beat her to it.

“Agreed. But I want a promise from you.”

The kid couldn’t hide his surprise and happiness and eagerly said. “Anything you say, dad!”

“Promise me, that you will never do this again. You almost ran away and gave me the scare of my life. You are my only family now. I have already lost my wife. I can’t lose you too.” The dad’s voice broke at the end and he struggled to compose himself.

The kid rushed forward and hugged his dad with a muffled ‘Sorry!’. With an awkward pat, the dad slowly withdrew himself from the hug and draped his arm around his son. Looking at her, he nodded his head and said. “Thanks a lot. I owe you big time.”

Feeling ridiculously emotional she smiled in acknowledgement, the lump in her throat not allowing her to speak. She ruffled the boy’s hair affectionately and waved good-bye to both dad and son.

After half-n-hour she reached a junction and smiled, thinking about the boy. She slowly approached a shop and asked the shopkeeper. “Which way leads to the next city?” She was geared up for the rest of her adventure.  

The Prison Within

Write Tribe

"The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." - The Lion King.

Now-a-days, just reaching home in the evening after a hard day’s work, seemed like a precious luxury. He felt a deep sense of satisfaction at having lived a good day. There was a time when evening would bring in more depression and he would seek the bottle desperately. After finishing the bottle, he would lay semi-conscious at his flat, with no one around to help him or to fight with him.

Mohit shuddered at the memory. He didn’t want to visit those days ever again.

The door to his house was open and he walked in. As if by habit, he searched for his daughter Rhea. He couldn’t believe she was seven years old already. The first two years had passed by in bliss. When she was three years old, he had started hitting the bottle, seeking solace from it when he lost his job. His wife Isha had tried to help him morally. She had begged, pleaded and threatened him to give up his drinking habit. He had not listened to her.

From then on the downfall had started. She waited patiently with him for two years – two years of drinking orgies, fights, tears, depression and what not. In sheer desperation, she had handed him a visiting card of someone from a rehabilitation centre and left his home with his daughter. That had been the hardest day of his life and hers too. He remembered her breaking down while leaving. He remembered her saying, ‘I will be back when you will be back, Mohit. I will wait for you to call me.’

When she left with his daughter, he had died a little inside.He shook his head forcibly. Why were all those painful memories bothering him today?

“Papa!” His daughter came running to him and he smiled at her, though he didn’t hug her or pick her up. He maintained a distance from her now. It was painful when he had been separated from her for two years. He couldn’t afford the same pain again. So he stayed aloof though he didn’t like it.

“How was your school today?” He asked her gently as he sat down on the sofa and she came to sit beside him, looking at him with wide expectant eyes and a sweet smile on her face. She showed him a picture. It was a rose, and she had coloured it neatly.

“You did it? It is beautiful.” He said, taking the paper on his hand and looking at it closely.

“Hi.” Isha came from the kitchen, smiling at him. He waved and smiled back at her.

“Rhea, your books are lying on the dining table. How many times have I told you to not to write there? Please keep them in your room.” Isha chided her gently.

“It is comfortable for me to sit and write at the dining table, Mamma. Otherwise, my back hurts.” She said innocently.

“What happened to your old study table?” He asked her.

“One of its legs came off, Pappa.”

He nodded his head but didn’t say anything. The girl got down from the sofa and left for the room.

“Go freshen up. Dinner is ready.” Isha said to him and left for the kitchen.

They were seated at the dining table, having dinner. Rhea constantly kept up the conversation at the table. Hearing her speak about her day at school soothed him. These were just normal pleasures of life that he had missed for almost three years. It was during these times that he felt grateful to Isha. He had indeed acted on her ultimatum and joined the rehab centre. He had struggled for three years, fighting with his addiction and temptation. Only after he was pronounced totally fit, and he had stayed dry for six months at a stretch, had he contacted Isha. It had taken just a phone call and she had returned on the next day with their daughter. It was as if nothing had changed. But everything had changed for him.

“Pappa, there is a parent-teacher meeting this weekend at my school. Every time Mamma comes. Will you come this time?” Out of the blue Rhea threw this question at him. He stopped eating and looked uncomfortably at Isha who was gauging his reaction.

“Hmm.. I have some work to do this weekend. Please take your Mamma with you. May be next time I will come.” He said uncertainly.

“You always say this but you never come to the meeting. My friends ask me why.” Rhea sounded on the edge of tears and Isha could see the beginning of a tantrum.

“Rhea, sweetheart, this time I will come for the meeting. We both will drag Pappa for the next meeting for sure, okay?” She said to the child in a pacifying tone. Rhea wiped a tear and resumed eating.

Mohit looked down on the plate but didn’t eat anything. He had lost his appetite.

The next weekend, when Rhea and Isha returned from the meeting, Mohit had a surprise for them. He had been working on the surprise since four days in his friend’s garage which he used often as his work-shop. He had been coming late from work, going directly to the workshop from his office and finishing his pet project.

Rhea screamed with joy when she saw the beautiful study table and chair that Mohit had made for her out of wood. There was a small circular dent in the table to keep her water-bottle, a drawer for keeping her books and a chair with a stylish back to it.  He smiled, taking in the child’s happiness.

“You like it?” He asked her softly, gesturing her to sit on the chair.

“It is perfect! And so comfortable too! I don’t have to bend a lot while writing now. And I can keep my water bottle here. And..” Mohit beamed with happiness as he heard Rhea go on about all the things that she could do there. He was on cloud nine, having compensated for the grief he had given to Rhea by not attending the meeting.

The child came running to him and hugged him hard. “Thank you Pappa!” He didn’t return the hug. He patted her head awkwardly and said. “Welcome.” She let go of him and looked at him with bright shining eyes. He saw love and respect for him in those eyes. He ruffled her hair and smiled.

In the evening, he peeked into her room and saw her sitting on the study chair and doing her homework. From time to time she ran her hand over the smooth finish of the table and smiled happily. He felt a deep sense of contentment and satisfaction. Rhea’s happiness was his happiness.

“You have given her a beautiful gift.” Isha said to him when she saw him return from Rhea’s room. He sat beside her on the sofa in the living room and smiled shyly.

“You could have brought a new set for her. It must have been hard, creating that wonderful table and chair.” She said with admiration in her voice.

He shrugged. “It wouldn’t have been the same if I had brought a new set. This feels more satisfying.”

He felt her eyes on him and turned to look at her. “What?”

She sighed. “How long will you hold yourself back, Mohit?”

“I don’t understand.”

“You obviously love her. You go out of your way to make her happy. And yet you stay away from her physically and emotionally. Why are you doing this?”

Mohit stared at the floor for sometime before answering. “I guess I still feel impure. It is as if the drinks have stained my soul too. You have seen me at my worst and stood beside me. There is no hiding from you. But Rhea – she was too young to realize what I was. Now she sees that side of me which I show to her. But there has been a part of me that was disgusting. It prevents me from getting attached to her. When you both left, it hurt me deeply.”

“I left because…”

“No, I understand. I don’t blame you. You have tolerated my antics a lot. I have no complaints. It’s just that, I can’t get hurt the same way. I almost lost you both. I can’t afford to lose you again. I am happy that you both are here now with me. But I am afraid to hope too much. I only want to keep you happy, that’s all.”

Isha gulped. It pained her severely to hear this from Mohit. “You are not the same person now. You have changed. You have become a responsible father and husband. We both love you for what you are. Please don’t keep yourself away from us.” Her voice quivered at the end and Mohit shifted close to her to drape his arm around her shoulder.

“What if I fail her, Isha? She looks at me as if I am a champion. What if I destroy her belief?” He asked in a voice laced with grief.

“You won’t. You are the best father in the world, as far as Rhea is concerned. And the best husband too.” She said fiercely, wanting to project her confidence to  him.

He didn’t say anything. He just squeezed her shoulders gently.

It was bed-time and Rhea was watching some songs on Isha’s mobile. Mohit entered the room and sat down beside her on the bed. She looked at him and smiled.

“Would you like me to read a story? I have brought this book for you.” He showed her the story-book.

“Wow, I love stories! Please do read it, Pappa.” She eagerly kept away the mobile and sat beside him.

“Once upon a time…” He began to read slowly. As he went on reading, Rhea shifted and rested her head on his arm. Isha entered the room and saw her daughter trying to get close to Mohit. She watched in silence, waiting for Mohit’s reaction.

He paused reading and fell quiet for few seconds. Then clearing his throat, he lifted up his arm so that Rhea could snuggle up to him. Then he held her close to him and resumed reading.

She sighed in contentment. Her Mohit was now embarking on another road to healing and recovery. 

Himalayan Diaries

Day 1 - Chandigarh to Shimla

My first aerial view of Chandigarh - cluster of houses packed together but neatly in squares... It was a sight to see! And then the air hostess announced - Chandigarh is a defence airport and hence photos are strictly prohibited... Well, didn't know that!

The airport is sparkling clean... It seemed a sin to not to take any snaps of something so good... My hands itched for my loyal mobile and then I saw a military guy walking purposefully toward me... 'Hey, just a thought, I didn't take any snap!' My mind shouted and then I watched him pass by me and breathed out a sigh of relief.

We met our driver - a Jatt from Delhi with excellent command over Hindi... Even when he swears at other drivers it feels very decent and respectful... He has good ambitions... Has been driving since 23 years and now wishes to buy a car of his own and start his own travel service... He says confidently to us, 'Next year, U will take a package only from me, I assure U. I will show U the entire Himachal in my own car. ' His confidence is impressive and we hope he succeeds in his plan.

I have come to believe that every place has a phrase associated with it. For eg...

After staying in Mumbai for three decades, the phrase that now comes to my mind when I think about it is - Peace amidst chaos. I have been staying in Hyderabad since three years and I would say that Hyderabad signifies - Growth amidst impermanence.. Half of the city is occupied by people from other cities staying there on rental basis. And yet, the city is witnessing tremendous growth at an alarming rate.

One hour in Chandigarh and the phrase that popped in my mind is - Big, Bigger and Biggest! People are of a big stature (even school-going kids are sturdy!). The roads are broad, the vehicles are mostly large trucks and to my amazement, even the animals seem bigger there ( I honestly haven't seen such huge and hefty cows!).

It is a pleasure to see a typical Punjabi with a tightly woven proud turban on his head, long beard, formal pants and shirt and a sleeveless sweater worn on top of the shirt. U almost feel that anytime the good old guy will approach U and tell U to save your hard-earned money in RD or FD. Or it feels like meeting that favourite neighbour uncle who always takes your side against your parents. It is a comforting sight to see these people.

As we entered the Himalayan Expressway, I got my first view of HP. Mountain on my left side, a deep valley on the right and large mountains at the far end of the valley. The expressway is more of a long series of S-bends that see a continuous procession of vehicles to and fro. As far as the drivers of these vehicles are concerned, heights don't matter at all while driving. Our driver, like all drivers, speeded like he was driving in any other highway - so what if it was the Himalayan Expressway? Doesn't matter, highway is highway!

The phrase that comes to my mind while thinking about HP is - Nature, untouched but not wild.( Well, almost untouched - the mountains won't agree with me. They are being chipped every day to extend the expressway). There is a gentleness to the imposing mountains and valleys. Time seems to have slowed down here. Except for the drivers, no one really seems to be in a hurry. Life goes on, on an unhurried and leisurely pace.

We stopped at a small stall to have some coffee. I stepped down from the car gleefully and then just stared around in disbelief as the first wave of cold mountain air struck me. Unbelievable! We rushed into the stall and the kind lady who was the owner of the stall immediately closed the door. The feeling of warmth was precious!

After a cup of hot coffee and steaming Maggie noodles, we rushed back into our car which felt warmer compared to the ruthless cold weather outside. After two more hours of driving, we reached our hotel in the evening.

And that's where we are now, shivering uncontrollably as the temperatures plummet to zero degree as the night progresses. The cold weather aside, I get the familiar exhilarating feeling of being in a new place and can't wait to explore the mystical land called Shimla!

Day 2 - The freezer called Kufri

We woke up to a glorious morning and stepped out of our room into the balcony. At first we saw only the big brown mountain facing us. Another view showed us snow-capped peaks behind the mountain. With a gasp, I realised that we were seeing the great Himalayas for the first ever time in our lives! I stared at the peaks in wonder and amazement. It felt like the culmination of the dream of a lifetime. Unbidden, Lord Krishna's assertion in the Bhagwad Gita comes into my mind - Among the mountains, I am the mighty Himalayas. What a feeling to see that which has been in existence probably before Time or History began!!!

We dared to take a walk around the hotel premises and found life-giving, heart-and-body warming sunlight!! We couldn't soak it enough... It lifted our hearts and spirits and we went to our rooms with a renewed sense of joy.

Today we had planned an excursion to Kufri which promised a grander view of the Himalayas. We proceeded outside our hotel room sans our winter wear, blissfully soaking in the warmth of the kind Sun that shines here.

Kufri isn't very far from our hotel and within half an hour we reached there. We got down from our car and something told us that it would be better to take the bag of our winter clothes with us(Just in case, you know).

As we slowly climbed down the lane in Kufri, a wave of harsh, cold air attacked us. It seems like this place doesn't get much sunlight(a large mountain looming on the east and a valley in the west, beyond which lie the magnificent Himalayas). Then began the uncontrollable shivering.. We hastily donned our winter clothes but they were no match for the freezer called Kufri. It took sheer effort to keep walking and climbing down the lane.

The only thing that made us forget the freezing weather, was the vista that lay in front of us. A deep beautiful valley and the Himalayas clearly visible... ( I secretly thought, well, that explains the unbelievably cold air!).

My words cannot describe the stunning view or the weather there. As they say, see it, feel it, to believe it!)

Kufri is a photographer's delight. We can keep clicking on snaps but they won't do any justice to the real picture. Having mixed feelings about this place - I would like to go there again and again simply to see the Himalayas but never, ever want to feel as cold as I felt there. Bone-chilling, heart-thawing cold - as if there were no sun there!

There is another peak in Kufri which is accessible only by horse-ride. I bravely agreed to attempt horse-riding for the first time in my life and left with my husband and kid towards the lane where the horses stood.The guys brought our horses - one look at the stallion and my confidence crumbled. I shook my head quietly and left from the place with my kid while my husband climbed on a horse and went to the peak. Well, that's something pending for the next time!

It was late afternoon as we left from Kufri. And hunger started showing its pangs. Our driver said he would find a 'first-class' hotel for us to have lunch. After some time he stopped in front of a small roadside hotel(which, I believe, has seen better days). Well, something is better than nothing, I thought miserably and hoped that we would find something decent to eat.

We bravely order a 'Deluxe Thali', keeping our fingers crossed. It turned out to be large enough but not overly stacked with lots of food. There were two hot rotis, one curry, an adequate amount of rice and steaming daal-fry.

Needless to say, the food was DELICIOUS. Everything was sufficient yet limited. The service was quick and to the point. As we barely glanced from our plate, devouring it hungrily, we heard the light-hearted banter of the people there. 'Arre jara achi si khadak ek chai pila de year... ' discussions about every day life.... It made us feel very humble and content as we acknowledged the feeling of having come to a town frozen in time - a good time...

After a sumptuous lunch we left for a view point called Naldehra which has a golf course and promised stunning views of beautiful small villages nestled among the hills. But again, it was accessible only by horse-ride. We felt bad to see that this place had very few visitors compared to the horse-riding range in Kufri though the views were much more beautiful here. We opted to enjoy the views from the viewpoint. After a brief photo session, we got inside the car and returned to our hotel. We braced ourself for the cold wave as soon as we got down. There is one thing that Shimla has taught me - if u are not its native, u can never brace yourself enough for it's cold weather.

Shivering and laughing uncontrollably we walked towards the lawn of the hotel which has a small play area for kids. As our boy played in swings and slides and I was shivering embarrassingly and uncontrollably, my husband showed a snap which I found difficult to see or comprehend.

In a ground in the backside of our hotel, some guys were playing volleyball - just dressed in normal casual clothes and no sweaters or mufflers or caps! At first, my uncontrollably-shivering ego took on a massive hit. But then I pacified it saying - These are not normal people. Either they are aliens in the disguise of human beings, or they have truly become Yogis - unaffected by anything!!

As I write this from the warmth of my room (cosily warmed by the heater) my husband shows the current temperature to me. 4 degrees , and I am dreading the impending visit to the dining hall of the hotel for our dinner.

Tomorrow we bid adieu to Shimla and are bound for Manali (which, by what the locals say, is a colder freezer than Kufri!). I am reminding myself of my desire of travelling to new places and trying to ignore the dread of going into another freezing place!

Day 3 - Shimla to Manali

We left our hotel at 9.30 in the morning and proceeded towards Manali. On the drive, we could see the Himalayan range from far. I felt a sense of loss and kept seeing the snow-capped peaks as long as I could. Someday or may be in some other lifetime, I hope I can see the mountains from as near as possible.

The first thing that made the drive eventful was a mini-traffic jam caused by - mass exodus of goats! It was a funny sight to see vehicles like Desire, Etios, I20 wait patiently to make way for the goats who took their own sweet time to pass the road. There were almost hundreds of them and they seemed to mock us as they proceeded ahead and we waited patiently.

Today being Monday, we saw kids in uniforms walking towards the bus stop which seemed way too far to walk for city-bred weaklings like us. The kids walked up the hill with the ease of years of walking. We learnt from our driver that even office-going people park their vehicles at one point and walk for a long time to their offices. Can't imagine walking so far but also can imagine the wonder and amazement of walking on a beautiful hill with stunning vistas of mountains around you!

We passed by the picturesque town of Solan where colorful houses can be seen nestled prettily among hills. I could only wonder about how the people staying here travel anywhere.... The town sure made up for a post-card perfect picture.

After a sumptuous meal at a restaurant named The Highness we proceeded along the town called Mandi. True to its name, it is a large market with numerous shops and road-side vendors. I rejoiced in the opportunity to see another new place but within minutes, dozed off! When I woke up we had already left the market place.

My sleepy self regretted the loss of seeing that new place till I woke up instantly as I took in the new scenery in front of me. All sleep vanished from my mind.

We had reached Beas Valley where the Beas river flows, in all its glory at some places, in the form of a gurgling steam or a trickle of water at other places... But always there with U on the road. The river and the omnipresent mountains of Himachal never left our sight from that point of time.

I have to say this, unlike the gentle mountains of Shimla, the mountains here felt a bit fiercer and commanded respect and awe. They seemed to say - we are just neutral witnesses, watching the proceedings of the world around us and have nothing to do with it. In the presence of these majestic giants, I felt my tiny identity melt away.

We halted at a place called Aut which has a temple of a Goddess to whom all the drivers pray before proceeding on the curvy highway. There was only contentment on their faces and no trace of any uncertainty or fear about the drive ahead.

As our driver started the car to proceed ahead I took out my mobile with the intention of taking some snaps. I had conveniently forgotten that our driver, like all drivers of Himachal, considered himself as a Ferrari driver. I found myself struggling to hold my mobile as I was flung from one side of the car to another side whenever our car took on a sharp turn. I just laughed helplessly as I kept oscillating from right to left in every sharp turn.

Just when I thought that it couldn't get any worse, our driver got a call in his mobile. To my disbelief and amazement he took the call. One hand on the wheel of the car and another hand holding the mobile, he sped on the highway blissfully talking over the phone. Luckily, a tunnel arrived after few seconds.

The tunnel has been wonderfully created right in the midst of the highway. It's illuminated with enough lights within and both its walls and the road are smooth. Needless to say, this is the first ever tunnel ride that I enjoyed (my mild case of claustrophobia not making its presence felt for the first time inside a tunnel).

After almost an hour, the highway slowly made way for small roads and we found ourselves at a spot called Bhunter which is a river-rafting point. Our driver parked the car in the area and gleefully said "Go ahead and attempt the water rafting!".

I looked at him in disbelief. Here I was shivering with cold and he wanted us to raft in the Beas river! I refused politely and instead we spent some time in the scenic place taking snaps and drinking steaming coffee.

After an hour we were back on the road. This time we passed through Kullu market which is a crowded and narrow road (narrow enough for just one vehicle to pass through). Our Ferrari driver masked his frustration with great difficulty as he couldn't fly his car on this road, however he may wish or try badly. I on the other hand enjoyed the slow and leisurely drive as I took in the market and its shops. Kullu has its own shawl-making factory and a visit to the same is impending.

By 6 in the evening it had already turned as dark as night and I checked the temperature. I stared at my mobile, not knowing how to react. It showed 1 degree and beside it was written, Feels like -1. It didn't feel like 1 degree inside the warm car. I hastily put on my sweater and prepared myself for the temperature outside.

After an hour we reached the area where our hotel was situated and our driver started searching for it. I felt like checking my faithful GPS but something told me that it would be downright insulting to consult GPS in the presence of a driver who has been driving for 23 years without any GPS. Suddenly realization dawned upon him and he exclaimed, "Achcha wo waali hotel!!! Yaad aaya mujhe! Bas pohonch hi gaye... '

Within five minutes we reached the hotel. After checking into the hotel room, we realized that we really didn't feel cold. In fact we couldn't feel anything at all as our hands and legs froze on their own and turned numb with cold.

Well that's a blessing. Because it is best to not feel anything at all than to feel the cold which 'feels like -1'!

Day 4 - Frozen at Manali

We woke up at 6 in the morning, woken up by the internal alarm clock that usually awakens us by that time, wherever we may be. By now we are slowly getting used to the chill but still it never fails to shock us to see negative temperatures.. It was -1 and we resigned ourselves for another cold and freezing day.

The cold in Manali is eerie... in the sense that, u may still manage without a sweater but u can never ever move without gloves or socks. While Shimla made us shiver, Manali thawed our hands and feet to such an extent that after some time we could not feel them at all. In comparison, Kufri feels like a warm hug!

Today's itinerary included a visit to Snow Point or Rohtang Pass ( any one of them). It broke our hearts to hear that Rohtang Pass has already been closed. It was something that we were hoping to visit very badly. Well, as my husband said, if everything is completed in one trip itself, there won't be any excuse to return here... So Rohtang, we will meet u next time for sure!

Now, about Snow Point... Apparently there are two Snow Points in Manali... One is at the Solang Valley and the other is at Hampta Pass... Our driver, on whom we relied heavily, assured us that Hampta is a far better choice than Solang as the views are spectacular there. We decided to follow his advice as we were just concerned with visiting at least one Snow Point.

We left our room at about 10 in the morning. Even at that time the cold weather froze us completely. It was difficult to walk and we took heavy and steps towards our car.

The route was awesome. The snow mountain that we had been seeing from our balcony loomed large in front of us. Most of the mountains had large dumplings of snow. The brown color of the mountains combined with the snow, gave the impression of a large mountain-shaped cake with vanilla and chocolate frosting on it. A snow-mountain is a thing of unimaginable beauty... Neither words nor pictures can do it any justice.

We reached an area called Him-Valley. Here we were supposed to take clothes, shoes and socks fit for snow-laden places. Our vehicle being Etios, the driver said that the vehicle won't take us up to Snow Point and we had to arrange another Vehicle for the same.

Hampta Pass is actually a trekking route on a mountain, at the top of which is Snow Point. The road is, if u can call it a road, narrow and rugged and more suitable for walking than driving. But the larger-than-life views of the mountains on the route more than made up for the bad road.

After 30 minutes of a bumpy ride, we got our first close-up view of snow at the side of the road. It looked like a fluffy and wet cotton ball. I have always wanted to see snow and this was one of my long-time wishes come true.

We reached Snow Point finally and I have to say, it is an absolute delight to walk or trod on snow and to play with it. Your feet will get painfully numb, you will have trouble breathing and you will no longer be able to feel your fingers and nose... But nothing will matter at that point of time. Holding snow in your hands and playing with it, can become seriously addictive. I couldn't keep my hands off the snow and even made my very first snow-man!

We spent two hours there but it didn't feel like two hours. Time hurried up and soon it was time to leave. Leaving the snow has been one of the most difficult things that we have had to do in this trip. It's a precious rarity, this snow, as we won't get to see it in our cities. Someday I hope to return here again.

It was lunch time and our driver suggested a small hotel named Sher-eh-punjab Da Dabha. By now I had learnt to not to doubt our driver's choice of hotels. This time also we weren't disappointed.

The best part of the hotels here? U can safely order a Thaali. I love Thaali but never order it in any hotel in our city. The enormous platter of food tucked in the Thaalis is too much for a single person. But here, in Himachal, I have ordered Thaalis at three hotels and found that the Thaalis here are sufficient with limited amount of food. Normally there would be 2 or 3 rotis, one curry, rice just about enough for a single person and delicious Dal. There is no system of stuffing three types of curries, three types of sweets or the usual amount of food that is stuffed in the Thaalis of big hotels. I just love this system of Himachal - sufficient food, minimal wastage. Wish the hotels in cities also followed this system.

Our driver had yesterday brushed off Solang Valley as not that imperative to visit. But our friends had been recommending a visit there. So we insisted that we would like to visit the valley just to see it. Our driver agreed and we proceeded towards the valley, the snow-mountains never leaving our sight.

Solang is a beautiful valley totally surrounded by snow-mountains on all sides. I seriously doubt whether the valley gets any sunlight. The moment we got out of the car, we were hit by harsh and chilled air. I couldn't stand there for more than five minutes and rushed inside the car, shivering badly.

To visit the Snow Point of this valley, you have to ride a horse or take a small cart. And here is where we are confused. We never got a chance to compare between Solang Valley and Hampta Pass. The heart is satisfied, but the mind whispers - what if the Snow Point here was bigger, better and cheaper than what we paid for Hampta? Being new to this place, we cant help but wonder whether we have been taken for a ride here. Anyways, that's spilled milk now but it's a lesson learnt.

From Solang we proceeded towards the Mall Road. It's a fairly large market with a wide assortment of shops selling winter wear, food, clothes and almost everything that a tourist wishes to buy. There is a Durga Mata temple in the center of the market. We leisurely strolled through the market and took in the city's busy life. Compared to the leisurely and unhurried pace of Shimla, Manali seems to be busy, crowded and active.

The end-of-vacation pangs slowly set in as we reach our hotel room. Just one more day in Manali and then we leave for Chandigarh. I know that it will take a long time for my eyes to get used to seeing just buildings and roads instead of mountains, streams and rugged, twisted, curvy highways. Hoping for time to slow down... Himachal, I am not ready to leave you yet...

Day 5 - In love with Manali

Mornings in Manali can wreak havoc with your mind. One minute, U see dark grey clouds obscuring the Sun in the morning... When U call your partner eagerly to show him the pretty picture, U will see that the Sun has won the battle and is peeping out from the clouds, weak yet determined. U rush inside the room to get your mobile to take a snap and when U come out, the clouds have won over the Sun. This goes on till U don't know how to describe the morning. Cloudy yet sunny? Sunny with a chance of rains? So confusing!

And this is how the first hour of the morning was spent. Even without the sightseeing plan, today was special as it was our tenth anniversary. The plan for this special anniversary celebration has been going on since June and today felt like the culmination of a long process of planning and coordinating and getting excited with the progress of the plan. This anniversary will be always special!

We left the hotel at 11 am. My husband, by now, has become immune to the weather and walked out of the room without winter wear. My over-confident self decided to mimic my husband's gesture but made it only till the car waiting for us outside the hotel. The sweater and gloves were back in two minutes. May be next time, Manali. At least for ten minutes, I would like to stay here without a sweater.

Our first halt was Hadimba Temple, dedicated to the wife of Bheem, the Pandava. The temple as such is small yet the surroundings are awesome. There are tree groves and awesome views of Solang Valley. There is also a small amusement park offering some games for kid. In the same area there is an open temple dedicated to Ghatotkach, son of Bheem and Hidimba.

And here the weather fooled me. A bright Sun shone on the area and I gladly removed my sweater to soak on as much of sunlight as I could. Within seconds, the clouds gathered and it started drizzling. With a tired sigh, I put on the sweater and just shook my head at the sky.

From there we went to a ClubHouse, which, our driver said, is a popular tourist attraction. It is like a Fair, having many stalls selling woolen wear, toys and junk food. It also has a small rivulet where you can try boating and river-crossing. We wanted to try boating but came to know that we only would have to pedal the boats. Me and my husband looked at each other, each one asking the silent question 'Will U?' and both shook our heads simultaneously. I guess, that is the telepathy that U achieve with your partner when U have been together for ten years. Needless to say, we decided to give it a pass.

We then proceeded to Vashisht temple which has hot sulphur springs. While we were driving, the Sun and the clouds again played hide-and-seek with me. Seeing some sunlight peeping in, when I eagerly opened the window of the car, the clouds again blocked the sun and a cold breeze started blowing.

The temple is situated at the top of a hill. Our car dropped us at a point and we had to walk uphill to the temple. I tell U, climbing uphill in the cold weather is equivalent to having an asthma attack. By the time we reached the temple, me and my husband were gasping for breath. After dipping our hands and feet in the hot water(which, by the way, felt wonderful) we took Darshan of the deity of the temple, Rishi Vashist and also went to another temple in the same area dedicated to Lord Ram. The downhill journey to our car seemed relatively easier and quicker.

Our driver brought us to the same hotel as yesterday for lunch. I ordered a Thaali again, realising that this is probably the only place where I can finish a Thaali's contents completely without wasting any. This is one of the things that I will miss in the city.

After lunch, our driver took us to Him Valley which is a small amusement area that showcases some cultural dance programs, magic shows and some games for all age groups. We spent an hour there and enjoyed the dance programs.

Tibetan Monastery was next on the list. It's a very beautiful Buddhist temple having a large statue of Lord Buddha. There are several rotating mettalic cylindrical disks placed on the walls of the temple. We have to rotate the disks one by one, all the while repeating the words Om Mani Padme Hum. It's an ancient Mantra for meditation and peace. We could have achieved both today, if it were not for the steady stream of people that kept visiting the temple.

The monastery is located at Mall Road and we strolled leisurely , taking in the many shops and food stalls there. There is a wide choice of winter wear and we were strongly tempted to buy some. Only the fact that we won't be needing these in Hyderabad , kept us from buying anything.

At a food stall we saw Maggi and it invoked a strange kind of emotion. Maggi seems to be the favorite food of most of the tourists here and it has become a special delicacy of both Shimla and Manali. Feeling ridiculously sentimental we ate Maggi at the stall. It seemed like a proper way to end our last day here.

We kept strolling through the market, not wishing to return to our hotel. We strolled as much as we could, until we could no longer dally and returned to our hotel with sad hearts and happy memories.

The staff of the hotel in Manali are really good in building relations with their customers. Because of these simple and good -natured people, this hotel is much more harder to leave though it wasn't as posh as the resort in Shimla. We really wish that this hotel gets more and more customers in future and grows rapidly as a brand of Manali.

Tomorrow we leave for Chandigarh. The only thing that is saving me from end-of-vacation depression is the prospect of the 8-hour long drive (one of my favorite travelling fantasies come true).

Last Day - 8-hour long drive to Chandigarh with memories of the trip

Time has a way of speeding up when U are enjoying yourself too much. The days of our trip sped by, one after another and today we found ourselves moving out of Manali and subsequently out of Himachal for good.

It was a slow, backward rewinding of our trip from Shimla to Manali. The wonderful tunnel came first, followed by the temple of the Goddess to whom the drivers pray. Then came Beas River and Beas Valley where this time, we halted for half-n-hour and took some snaps of the breath-taking vista before us. The village which I had missed in the trip of Shimla-Manali by dozing off, Mandi, gave another chance to me and this time I checked it out. We had lunch in the same hotel The Highness and reached the same place where the goats had created a mini traffic-jam. A left turn from there would have led us to Shimla and we took the right turn, gazing longingly at the direction of Shimla with whom we had fallen in love at first sight itself.

The rest of the journey was uneventful as we again passed through rugged highways and saw the beautiful lake of Bilaspur (no, not of Chattisgarh, there's one at HP too).

At a small Dabha at the outskirts of HP, we bid adieu to the last mountain in our sight. Thereafter the route took us on a smooth highway directly to Chandigarh where we checked into a very good hotel.

And that is where I am writing this from.

Himachal has changed my perspective about many things. Maggi will never be the same again. It has always been my favorite food, but now, due to its association with HP, it has become really special. Shimla taught me the real meaning of cheating. It is not when someone lies to you or dupes you. It is when U turn on the knob of the tap but realise it too late that it is the knob of the shower. The icy spray can leave you paralyzed for several seconds. Speed has altered it's meaning forever. I will no longer crib about Hyderabad drivers, thanks to the drivers of HP. A highway won't be a highway unless it is twisted and curvy, with a mountain on one side and the deep valley on another side.

And on this note, I am ending my Himachal Diaries. Thank U reader, for being with us all these days. Those who have already been to HP, we hope we refreshed your memories. And those who are yet to visit this wonderful place, I hope that when U visit HP (and I hope that blessed moment comes soon in your life), U will remember us while visiting all those places mentioned in my Diary.

The Night That Lasted For Twenty Years

They both just stared at each other for few uncomfortable seconds.

“Didn’t expect to meet you again…” Shruti initiated the conversation.

Ashwini merely nodded her head and studied Shruti. There was anger, lots of anger on her face. Ashwini had hoped that time would heal everything. Apparently, it wasn’t so.

“How are you?” She asked Shruti who shrugged at her question.

“Going on. What about you?”

“I am cool.” Ashwini replied back. They both stood feeling awkward.

They had unexpectedly landed together at a farm in the outskirts of the city. The farm owner had arranged a camping event for those interested in watching the meteor shower that was expected on that night. It was supposed to be a shower that would ‘turn night into day’, as the scientists had 

predicted.

Ashwini cleared her throat and said. “All set to watch the shower?”

“If it really happens…”

She’s not being really helpful, Ashwini thought with a little bit of regret. Just when she thought that any further conversation would be futile, Shruti spoke up.

“What are you doing now-a-days?”

“I am a travel writer. It’s a dream job as it combines both my hobbies of travelling and writing.”

“Plus, you get to meet a lot of people. You must be loving it. You always were very social.”

“Not any more. I prefer solitude to company.” Ashwini said in a low voice. “What about you?”

“I am a software programmer. I am working solely from home. Like you, I too seem to have developed a liking for solitude.” Shruti said and after a brief pause, she asked. “What about family? Are you married?”

“No! God help me, I am happily single. My parents are abroad and I visit them occasionally. My job keeps me pretty busy. Where’s your family?”

“Parents live here. I have taken a separate flat in the same building where they stay. It helps me to work uninterrupted and keep an eye on them as well. Not married, thankfully.”

Ashwini nodded thoughtfully. “It’s strange that we both ended up being single and are actually enjoying it.”

Shruti didn’t comment on that. She looked around. Everywhere small tents were being set up by hired hands in the farm. It was scenic. Mountains bordered the far end of the farm and currently, the sun was beginning its slow descent there. The sky was a kaleidoscope of orange, red and grey as the sunset painted the world red. A large area that was devoid of plantation was being used for the camp. Shruti guessed the number of campers to be around thirty.

“Come, let’s find a tent.” Ashwini gestured to Shruti and they both walked towards their tents, a world of questions, regrets and pain lying beneath the awkward silence between them.

The campers had a sumptuous home-made dinner which the farm’s owner had arranged for them. By nine at night, everyone had settled comfortably in their tents. Shruti and Ashwini had taken up tents next to each other, either coincidently or deliberately.

Ashwini came out of her tent exactly at the same time as Shruti stepped out.

“Going there...” They smiled lightly as both had said that at the same time while pointing to a small hill that lay on one side of the farm. They left together for the hill.

“The view is just awesome.” Shruti commented as they both lay down with their hands folded under their heads. They were gazing at the sky which was lit by infinite number of stars twinkling brightly.  

“I never get to see this at the city. So much pollution, so many artificial lights, so crowded…”

“I get to see a lot of this, you know. It’s a great feeling to lie down in the grass and know that you are watching the same sky which you were looking at, from the other side of the world somewhere at some other time. Everywhere I go, the sky remains unchanged.” Ashwini said almost lazily as she was feeling contented and blissful.

“You have become poetic.” Shruti commented with a chuckle.

“Maybe… Travel does it to you, you know. You start watching for beauty in everything around you, from the tiniest leaf or bud to the majestic mountain. You really start observing everything.”

“So this trip will be going on the records too?”

“Yes, definitely... And now it has taken a personal turn too.” Ashwini said carefully, looking over at Shruti who didn’t say anything for a long time.

“I wish I could turn back the clock and bring the wheels of time to a stop.” Shruti said after a while, looking at the sky so intently, it felt as if she were wishing that it would absorb her.

“At what point of time would you like the wheels to stop?” Ashwini asked, already having guessed the answer. She hoped Shruti would speak it all out and lighten herself.

It seemed to take forever for Shruti to answer. “That moment, when I didn’t hand over your letter to Kartik...”

A heavy silence permeated the air. Shruti turned over and looked at Ashwini who was looking at the stars.

“I know.” Ashwini said.

Shruti got up, totally stunned. “You know? How? When did you come to know about this?”

“Three years after we left college… I had called Rahul casually just to catch up with our old friends.” Ashwini said, referring to their mutual college friend.

Shruti took a sharp intake of breath. “You knew this all along… and yet, you are here with me today…” She hung her head down – shame, guilt and pain making it impossible for her to face Ashwini.

Ashwini slowly got up and put a hand around Shruti’s shoulders. “It’s okay, you know. It was really a long time back. It doesn’t matter now.”

“How do you even have the strength to say this to me?? I have ruined your life and yet, here you are, consoling me! Don’t be so kind to me. It’s killing me from inside! I don’t deserve you, your friendship or your forgiveness!” Shruti burst out into tears as the guilt and shame that had accumulated in her heart since the past two decades finally burst out in the form of heavy sobs.

Ashwini just held her shoulders and kept quiet, waiting for her to let it all out. She felt a deep pain in her heart for Shruti’s suffering and badly wished that they had met sooner.

“Cry as much as you want, Shruti. And then, when you feel calm enough, you can tell me why you did it. Speak your heart out today. I want you to get rid of those feelings which you have apparently suppressed in your heart since all these years.”

Her words only made Shruti sob harder and she fell down into Ashwini’s lap and cried out her heart. Ashwini stroked her hair gently, deep pain and compassion reflecting in her face.

It took a long while for Shruti to calm down. Even after she stopped crying, dry sobs racked her whole body, making it very difficult for her to speak.

“We were best friends since our childhood… How could I do such a thing to you?” She managed to say, stammering out the words as Ashwini shook her head and held a hand towards her cheek.

“No, don’t be so good to me. Hit me or throw me off this hill… I ruined your life! I took away the love of your life!”

Ashwini stared at her without saying anything.

“You, me and Kartik have been together since our school days. I knew you were in love with him right since childhood. And I knew the moment when he too fell in love with you. It was during our school picnic when we were in eighth standard.”

Ashwini turned her face to look the other side. Shruti’s words had brought a sweet and severe ache of memories and they were threatening to overwhelm her.

“You were playing cricket, or rather, trying to play. You kept missing the ball that Rahul was pitching and were laughing uncontrollably. I too was laughing until I saw Kartik look at you as if he were mesmerized. You really were looking very cute in that skirt and top, you know. With that short pony tail and clear complexion… You were glowing with happiness that day.”

Ashwini smiled sadly and didn’t say anything.

“It was then that I felt something pierce me like a knife. I couldn’t bear the idea of Kartik liking you more than me. I have always been territorial. I guess you know that about me. The wave of jealousy that arose in my heart baffled me totally. I don’t have any logical explanation for this. I didn’t even love Kartik. I just couldn’t bear that suddenly you got more of his attention than me.”

“You never forgave anyone who overtook you in any manner, be it marks, good looks or even competitions. You always wanted to be the first, be the winner.” Ashwini said this without any malice.

“And yet you never left my side. Even when I started cribbing if you got more marks than me... It was partly due to my inherent nature, partly due to Kartik. I was angry with you for having grabbed his attention.  All sorts of negative thoughts came to my mind. I started thinking that if and when you both became a couple, I would be the proverbial outsider, the third-person who would interfere with all your plans and who would shortly but surely become an unwanted nuisance.”

“If you really thought that, then you didn’t know me and Kartik as well as we thought.”

“I wasn’t thinking correctly. Jealousy had blinded me. I am not proud of what I thought or did at that time.”

Ashwini kept quiet and sat looking at Shruti who took a deep breath and resumed talking.

“Every day before leaving for school I would worry that may be Kartik would express his feelings to you and you would become a couple. I closely kept a watch on Kartik who became more and more enamored with you as the days passed by. I didn’t have to worry about you as you were always shy around him and never gave him any cause to know your feelings towards him.”

“Yes, he had that effect on me, you know. I could never look in his eyes for more than a few seconds. I felt terribly shy and conscious in his company. I was always grateful for the presence of you and Rahul as it made things less awkward for me.” Ashwini said sadly.

“I knew that… and I am ashamed to say that I took advantage of your shyness to never let you alone with Kartik for more than few minutes.”

Ashwini nodded her head and asked her. “So, about the letter…?”

Shruti gulped visibly and a look of utter shame crossed her face. “I was secretly glad when we finished school and Kartik still had not expressed himself to you.  Fate put us in the same college. And there, on Friendship Day in our first year, you gave me the shock of my life.”

Ashwini smiled. “I told you openly that I love Kartik and I wanted him to know it. I wrote a letter to Kartik where I had written my heart out and I gave that letter to you to deliver it to him as I was feeling too shy.”

They both sat quietly for few minutes, each relieving the day and moment when their lives had changed.

Ashwini frowned. “But, I saw you give him my letter.” She looked at Shruti with a confused expression on her face.

“I gave him a letter all right; it just wasn’t your letter.”

A look of understanding came over Ashwini’s face as she shook her head and laughed. “I knew it would be trouble when people started saying that even our handwritings match each other’s.”

“The letter which I gave him was written by me in your name.”

“What had you written in that letter that made him leave our entire group altogether?”

An infinite moment seemed to pass through before Shruti spoke in a very low voice. “I wrote that you love Rahul and that you need Kartik’s help to get Rahul to fall in love with you.”

Ashwini felt a mountain of grief and regret fall over her heart as she stared silently at the stars. They didn’t seem to shine as brightly as they had a little while ago. She heard Shruti sob quietly and felt perilously close to tears herself.

So this was the answer to the questions that had plagued her since almost two decades.

She had never really understood why Kartik changed his college right after the first year. She had assumed that may be he didn’t love her and her proposition had only made him feel awkward. But she had known that he would never leave the college for just a silly reason as this. What had hurt her most was, he didn’t even say goodbye to her. After the day the letter was handed over to him, she noticed that he spent lesser and lesser time with her group and had withdrawn unto himself. Even Rahul had stopped spending time with them. It was the most miserable time of her life as Ashwini lost everything at the same time – her childhood love and her best friend Kartik and her very good friend Rahul who had always been there for her with his rock support.

Her second question was also answered. She now understood why Rahul was so keen to end the call when she had called him, three years after they had all left college.

“Rahul was really angry with me, you know.” Ashwini said quietly. “When I asked him about Kartik’s whereabouts, he said it would be better if I didn’t ask anything about him at all after hurting him in a very bad way. He just changed the topic and ended the call within few minutes. That was when I realized that something was amiss.”

Shruti continued to sob while Ashwini said thoughtfully. “I sat back and remembered the day when I gave you the letter, trying to find out what exactly had gone wrong. What struck me first was your reaction. I remembered seeing your angry and shocked reaction when I gave you the letter. I remembered watching you go over to the loo before giving the letter to Kartik. I remembered the change in your expression, from anger and shock to something much more sinister… I slowly realized that somehow you were behind this entire fiasco. I never noticed this at that time because I was too nervous about the outcome of my proposal. It all came back to me that day after I spoke to Rahul. And today you have enlightened me and freed me from two questions which have been troubling me since I left college.”

Minutes, hours, ages passed between them as Shruti finally stopped crying and Ashwini tried to get rid of the feelings of loss and regret that were piercing her heart.

 “I am glad that you told this to me today. I hope you are at peace now.” Ashwini said.

“Do you know about Kartik’s whereabouts?” Shruti asked in a hollow voice completely devoid of any emotion.

“Yes, he is settled abroad now. Happily married and has two boys.”

“How do you know? Are you in touch with him now?”

Ashwini took out her cell phone and showed her a snap of a family… Kartik’s family... He looked older and happier. “I check his updates on Facebook from time to time. I have never contacted him directly. But I like to know that I can reach him anytime I want to. I never stopped loving him, you know. He was the one, the only one for me.” Ashwini said in a voice thick with emotion and grief.

Shruti no longer felt anything. She seemed to have exhausted her stock of emotions and tears. “Will you forgive me please?”

“Yes, I forgive you. Because you have spent the past twenty years in regret and guilt… No one should go through that, Shruti. Twenty years is a long time to grieve and regret. I forgive you, and hope you will forgive yourself too.”

Shruti nodded, unable to say anything. “Any chance that we can be just like before?”

An immensely sad look came over Ashwini’s face when she replied. “No Shruti. And it is not because of what you did… It is because of what I have become. Something changed in me after I left college. Parting from you all, losing Kartik and finally, my job… they all have made me long for solitude. I visit many places but never make any lasting friends. I enjoy the moment, that’s all. I can’t go back and be what I was when we were all together. That’s not me anymore. I hope you will understand that this has got nothing to do with you.”

“I fully understand. I didn’t expect that you will agree. I can see why.”

They both sat in silence for some time.

“So what do we do now?” Shruti asked.

Ashwini smiled brightly. “Now, we both make peace with our past and let it go. Then we will go our separate ways with forgiveness in our hearts.”

A sudden ‘oooooh’ from the crowd below interrupted their conversation as the first batch of meteors shot into the earth’s atmosphere with celestial speed. Indeed, the night turned into day as the burning meteors illuminated the sky with their brilliance and beauty.

Unconsciously, Shruti and Ashwini held hands and watched the sky in wonder. Shruti smiled, for the first time from her heart as the twenty-year old night of her soul ended and made way for a beautiful morning with the promise of flowers and spring.

The Goddess Outside the Temple

Nisha stifled a yawn and earned a hit on her elbow from her mother who was sitting beside her. She looked into her mother’s eyes and felt that they were asking the inevitable question – “Yawning inside the temple???”

Nisha felt a stab of guilt and tried to concentrate on her prayer book. It was a long prayer addressed to the Goddess. It was supposed to give peace and power to the reader. Ironically, Nisha felt neither peaceful nor powerful here. Going to the temple was something that she always dreaded. Firstly, she had always been intimidated by the Goddess. It probably had something to do with having a strict mother. Secondly, she didn’t believe that God or Goddess existed. Her excuse was the classic excuse given by half of the people of her generation – If there really is a Higher Power, then why is the world in such a state? She never really believed that prayers would help her to get good marks in her college exams or cure a broken heart. She was ‘practical’, she liked to say.

Nisha shook her head and brought her attention back to the book. The other ladies who were reading the prayer had advanced far ahead, she realized. She gave up her pretense of reading and instead looked around. She felt a pang as she saw devotion etched into the face of every reader. She longed for that kind of child-like faith and trust.

“Bored?” She heard the lady seated beside her whisper to her. She turned around and saw the lady smiling at her with amusement. She was very beautiful to look at. A large red Bhindi, black curly long hair and a very pretty face with a beautiful smile… Nisha felt unsure about how to react. She kept looking at the lady with a confused expression on her face.

“That’s ok. Even I am bored, you know…” The lady said.

Nisha smiled with relief and whispered to her. “This prayer is very long. I can’t concentrate for more than five minutes. I wonder how these ladies can read with so much focus and concentration…”

“Even I wonder that too. You know, you have to give credit to them. Not many people can do that. Tell me, are you fasting too, as it is Ekadashi today?”

Nisha automatically shook her head in response. “I can’t fast at all. In fact, the day I decide to fast, on the same day, I feel like eating more food. I keep thinking about food for the whole day. I tried once or twice, and then I gave it up.”

The lady laughed heartily. “It’s ok. If it is difficult for you, you should not do that. The whole idea behind fasting is just to cleanse your body and not to please any deity. I really don’t think any God or Goddess would want you to fast to give blessings to you. That sort of feels like a trade, isn’t it?”

Nisha decided that she liked this lady a lot. She was precisely saying those very things which Nisha always thought but was too reluctant to admit publicly.

“It’s so refreshing to meet someone who shares my views. I just wish I were as open-minded and honest as you are.”

The lady nodded her head with understanding and said. “In fact, I believe in a different kind of fasting. Just like people abstain from eating food on Ekadashi, why can’t we abstain from thinking negative thoughts for one day, twice a month? It would work wonders for our mind if we can go one day without any gossip, negativity, arguments or fights. What a difference it would make!”

Nisha was struck with the idea. “Why not everyday? Why for just two days in a month? This is an awesome idea!”

“Oh, you think it is that easy to stop negativity? You try it for two minutes. For two whole minutes, try not to think negative about anybody or anyone. Your time starts now.” The lady gestured to her watch and gave a challenging smile to Nisha.

“I can do that.” Nisha said confidently and sat silent. What does she think of herself, challenging me in this manner? I can do this! For two minutes I can stop thinking negative and I will show this lady what I can really do… Just when I thought I liked her… Shows, how wrong we can assume about people… I can do this.. I won’t think negative for… Nisha’s fell face when she realized that for the first whole minute she had already thought negative thoughts about the lady.

She looked sheepishly at the lady and saw her smiling with amusement.

“Agree that it is difficult?” The lady asked her kindly and Nisha nodded with a slight smile.

“You know what, on Ekadashi, along with abstaining from eating too much food, we should also refrain from thinking negative or being negative. It will be difficult at first, but I guess with time, we will learn. How wonderful it would be if for one whole day, we ignore everyone’s mistakes, we do not fight or argue or gossip about anyone and just let go of our ego totally! I wish people would do that…”

Nisha nodded and smiled at her. They both sat silent and looked around. The ladies were reading the prayer reverentially.

“You don’t believe in prayers, do you?” The lady asked Nisha.

“No, I don’t. It is easier to believe in prayers when you are a child and the world is filled with just happiness and peace. As I grew up, I realized that my deeds are more deciduous of my results than prayers. If I don’t study at all and attempt an exam, no prayer in the world can save me.”

“That’s also a good system of belief. When you know that your deeds will determine your results, you will act responsibly, I guess. It’s good.”

“What do you believe in?” Nisha asked the lady.

The lady thought for a while. “I believe that, to each one, his/her own way… At the end, no one is really going to make it alive. Whatever people find easier to believe, and whatever makes them strive to lead a good life, let them choose that. It’s as simple as that. Why to complicate with theories and proofs and beliefs?”

“Wow. That’s cool.” Nisha looked at the lady, thoroughly impressed. She looked at the deity of the temple. The Goddess looked serene and beautiful, but totally unapproachable, she thought. Immediately she felt guilty.

“Tell me something.” Nisha began hesitatingly. “Do you really think that God or Goddess exists?”

“Oh my, the Question of centuries!” The lady laughed lightly. She kept quiet for few minutes, seemingly pondering over the question. “Okay, what do you think?”

“I asked it first!” Came Nisha’s automatic response and it made the lady laugh again.

“Such a child. All right, I think that God or Goddess exists. There is a force which is the witness of the history of the universe. I won’t say it governs, but it exists and witnesses everything that has been happening since the beginning.”

“Very clever of you. By saying that the force witnesses and doesn’t govern, you effectively stopped my next question.” Nisha said admonishingly while the lady’s eyes twinkled with merriment.

“I know what you would have asked. Why do bad things happen if there is a Higher Power. Right?”

Nisha nodded her head and looked expectantly at the lady.

“Well, that’s a topic for another time to discuss.” The lady said and gave her a mysterious smile.

“Do you live nearby?” Nisha asked her.

“Yes, I stay very close to you, actually.”

“Oh really, that’s great to know!” Nisha said happily. She must be mom’s friend…

“I think the prayer session is over.” The lady gestured towards the ladies who had finished their prayer and were now seated with folded hands and closed eyes.

“I guess I can leave now.” Nisha said with relief. She was about to get up when she saw that the lady hadn’t risen. “Oh wait, I had the best conversation of my life with you and I didn’t even ask your name.” Nisha laughed and looked at the lady.

There was a sudden shift in the air and Nisha felt something stir in her heart when she looked at the lady who seemed to grow more beautiful by the minute.

“Ha, my favourite question! I am known by many names, but my personal favorite is Shri. It stands for everything that is feminine, auspicious and powerful. Just like me!” The Lady said with her mystic smile and as She smiled at Nisha, the latter felt wave after wave of love hit her till the universe was nothing but a huge ocean of love.

When Nisha recovered her senses, she realized that she was still seated inside the temple and the other ladies were still in the same position. It was as if time had stopped for few precious moments. She looked around herself and found that she was alone.

No, you are never alone. I am there, inside the temple and outside… I am there wherever you are.

Nisha’s eyes filled up as she heard the voice whisper to her and she folded her hands in supplication and fell prostrate before the deity of the temple. I believe… her heart said finally.