Experience taught her, hurt raised her; neither defined her.
Arjun entered his room and breathed in the familiar and comforting air around him. Unknowingly, this had become his second home, a much-loved place, a place where he felt calm and balanced.
It was ironical, his friends always said. How can a psychiatrist's cabin make anyone feel calm and balanced, they always asked. Don't you get frustrated by all the troubles your clients load on you? His friends asked him time and again.
How could he explain? He owed his calm and balanced mindset to his clients. He was required to be strong and non-judgemental for their sake, and so he did. With time, his cabin became the oasis of calm and peace. Many of his clients said that just by entering inside, they felt calm within. And to the second question that his friends asked always, he liked to say that the somewhat care-free and relieved patient walking out of his cabin was worth every dime of trouble.
He checked his appointment book and saw the first customer's name. He sobered up a little. She was a rape survivor, and her appointment wasn't due till another week. He hoped her sudden need for appointment wasn't anything serious. She had been responding well to therapy till now.
Half-n-hour later, Arjun heard a hesitating knock on the door and knew it was her. True enough, she shyly peeped inside and asked, 'May I?'.
"Please, Ms.Rucha, come inside."
She sat on the chair opposite to him and fiddled a while with her purse, searching for something. He gave her enough time to settle down. This was how she usually prepared herself to talk to him. After a while, when she was comfortable enough, she faced him. Arjun tried to read her mood. She seemed calm enough.
"So, I went to the jail yesterday. To meet him." She said. By 'him', she was referring to the rapist.
"Oh!" Arjun said, taken aback slightly. He would have wanted her to meet him first before meeting the rapist. He would have helped her to mentally prepare herself for the task. "How did it go?"
She shrugged. Arjun allowed himself the usual despair and anger that he felt whenever he thought about the incident that had broken her spirit completely. It was dreadful enough that she had been raped, the aftermath had resulted in name slandering and dragging to the courts. It took two months for the culprit to land behind bars. But her life had been altered forever.
Life was unfair, and how! It made him all the more determined to make it easier for as many people as he could.
"It was okay." She said.
He waited for her to elaborate. He knew that pushing her to talk never achieved anything. The first three sessions of her therapy had gone by with her not uttering a single word. In the fourth session, Arjun had sat silently until she herself had started speaking. Most of the session had gone by in crying, but that was still a beginning. She had come a long way since then.
She took a deep breath. "The idea came to me that day when I was just lying down and thinking about.. you know. Something inside me told me to meet him once. I didn't know what good or bad it would do, the meeting with him. I simply went by my instinct. It was more like, better to deal with it when I still have the courage and the readiness."
"Okay. That's good." Arjun said and waited, hoping that she would confide in him about the meeting.
She didn't disappoint him. "The next day I got up with the mission of meeting him, once and for all. I thought it would make me nervous, but it didn't. Rather, there was an urgency in me, to get this done immediately. It felt like it would give me the necessary closure to this mental trauma that I have been fighting with."
Arjun nodded encouragingly.
"When I entered the prison, I didn't feel any jitters. I was thoroughly prepared to meet him. And I did."
"What happened then?"
"We met, with him behind the bars and myself standing outside. I couldn't ask him anything, nor could I shout. I just stared at him, hoping that I would get some kind of answer, as to why he did it. Why couldn't my screams and pleas move him?? How could he do such a savage act?"
A month ago, just saying this would have reduced her to hysterics. But Arjun noted with pride and a touch of sadness, that all it did to her now was to make her breathe deeply.
"I didn't say anything. I kept looking at him. He then folded his hands before me, as if asking for forgiveness."
How can that rectify anything he did to you.. Arjun thought savagely but refrained from reacting.
"His eyes filled up and tears started flowing down. All the while, he just folded his hands and looked at me. At that moment of time, I finally understood that he himself had no answers, no explanation to why he did this. So, after a while, I did something I never expected myself to do."
"What?" Arjun asked, a bit concerned.
"I told him that I forgive him."
For a while none of them spoke. Arjun inhaled deeply.
"That was a - magnanimous gesture! What made you say it, and how do you feel now?"
She looked outside the window of the cabin, staring into nothingness. "I went through hell after what he did to me. But I am getting better every day. I have therapy, I have the full support of my family and my friends. So I feel I am blessed. But he has something worse in store for him. The jail in which he lives, is nothing compared to the prison in which his mind will stay from now. I saw remorse and regret in his eyes that day, and I know that they both will stay with him for a long time. So, I did the least I could do, and that is tell him that I forgive him."
Arjun was deeply impressed with her logic.
"As to how I feel, I feel - liberated. I feel like a thorn that had been piercing my heart has finally been removed. I feel free, Sir. I feel light after a long, long time."
The tears came again but this time Arjun knew they were tears of relief and respite from all the suffering and hatred she had borne in her mind. He allowed her to cry for some time.
And then, magic of all the magics, she smiled. She actually smiled for the first time in his office, in the four months of therapy she had been taking. He felt like shouting 'Yay!' to the whole world but decided it would come off as totally unprofessional of him.
"There is another thing I wanted to tell you. Something good, this time." She smiled yet again and he smiled back at her.
"This psychiatrist could do with all the good news you can give!" He said cheerfully.
"I am ready to think about being in a relationship."
Is it too soon, he thought in apprehension.
"Not that I am immediately going to get married or anything like that. I believe in taking small steps. So, I just registered myself on a marriage portal. And I have given all the information about me there." She looked at him, as if seeking his approval.
"That's a bold move, I have to say." He said cautiously.
"I know. It does feel like too soon, but at the end of the day, I am just like any other person, wanting to love and to be loved. So, for now, I am all about meeting people. Hopefully someone who is meant for me will come into my life at the right time." She said with a slight smile.
"You know how happy it makes me to hear words like 'love' and 'hope' from you?? You so deserve both of this, and much, much more! I am proud to say that you are doing really, really well. You have come a long way from the first silent session, and I see better and joyful times for you ahead."
She smiled shyly.
"So, it looks like you won't be needing my services any more now!" He said with his eyebrows raised.
For a second, she looked like her former self - wide-eyed, panicked and afraid. But the look was gradually replaced by one of acceptance. She nodded her head.
"I want you to know that anytime you feel the need for therapy, please don't hesitate to seek out help." He said gravely. "Also remember that you deserve to be happy, to be at peace and everything good in life. Don't convince yourself otherwise, okay?"
He got up from his seat. To his pleasure, she extended her hand to him, the first time she had sought out human touch after the incident. He shook her hand warmly and escorted her out of the cabin, hoping and praying that she would never ever feel the need for therapy again.
Arjun entered his room and breathed in the familiar and comforting air around him. Unknowingly, this had become his second home, a much-loved place, a place where he felt calm and balanced.
It was ironical, his friends always said. How can a psychiatrist's cabin make anyone feel calm and balanced, they always asked. Don't you get frustrated by all the troubles your clients load on you? His friends asked him time and again.
How could he explain? He owed his calm and balanced mindset to his clients. He was required to be strong and non-judgemental for their sake, and so he did. With time, his cabin became the oasis of calm and peace. Many of his clients said that just by entering inside, they felt calm within. And to the second question that his friends asked always, he liked to say that the somewhat care-free and relieved patient walking out of his cabin was worth every dime of trouble.
He checked his appointment book and saw the first customer's name. He sobered up a little. She was a rape survivor, and her appointment wasn't due till another week. He hoped her sudden need for appointment wasn't anything serious. She had been responding well to therapy till now.
Half-n-hour later, Arjun heard a hesitating knock on the door and knew it was her. True enough, she shyly peeped inside and asked, 'May I?'.
"Please, Ms.Rucha, come inside."
She sat on the chair opposite to him and fiddled a while with her purse, searching for something. He gave her enough time to settle down. This was how she usually prepared herself to talk to him. After a while, when she was comfortable enough, she faced him. Arjun tried to read her mood. She seemed calm enough.
"So, I went to the jail yesterday. To meet him." She said. By 'him', she was referring to the rapist.
"Oh!" Arjun said, taken aback slightly. He would have wanted her to meet him first before meeting the rapist. He would have helped her to mentally prepare herself for the task. "How did it go?"
She shrugged. Arjun allowed himself the usual despair and anger that he felt whenever he thought about the incident that had broken her spirit completely. It was dreadful enough that she had been raped, the aftermath had resulted in name slandering and dragging to the courts. It took two months for the culprit to land behind bars. But her life had been altered forever.
Life was unfair, and how! It made him all the more determined to make it easier for as many people as he could.
"It was okay." She said.
He waited for her to elaborate. He knew that pushing her to talk never achieved anything. The first three sessions of her therapy had gone by with her not uttering a single word. In the fourth session, Arjun had sat silently until she herself had started speaking. Most of the session had gone by in crying, but that was still a beginning. She had come a long way since then.
She took a deep breath. "The idea came to me that day when I was just lying down and thinking about.. you know. Something inside me told me to meet him once. I didn't know what good or bad it would do, the meeting with him. I simply went by my instinct. It was more like, better to deal with it when I still have the courage and the readiness."
"Okay. That's good." Arjun said and waited, hoping that she would confide in him about the meeting.
She didn't disappoint him. "The next day I got up with the mission of meeting him, once and for all. I thought it would make me nervous, but it didn't. Rather, there was an urgency in me, to get this done immediately. It felt like it would give me the necessary closure to this mental trauma that I have been fighting with."
Arjun nodded encouragingly.
"When I entered the prison, I didn't feel any jitters. I was thoroughly prepared to meet him. And I did."
"What happened then?"
"We met, with him behind the bars and myself standing outside. I couldn't ask him anything, nor could I shout. I just stared at him, hoping that I would get some kind of answer, as to why he did it. Why couldn't my screams and pleas move him?? How could he do such a savage act?"
A month ago, just saying this would have reduced her to hysterics. But Arjun noted with pride and a touch of sadness, that all it did to her now was to make her breathe deeply.
"I didn't say anything. I kept looking at him. He then folded his hands before me, as if asking for forgiveness."
How can that rectify anything he did to you.. Arjun thought savagely but refrained from reacting.
"His eyes filled up and tears started flowing down. All the while, he just folded his hands and looked at me. At that moment of time, I finally understood that he himself had no answers, no explanation to why he did this. So, after a while, I did something I never expected myself to do."
"What?" Arjun asked, a bit concerned.
"I told him that I forgive him."
For a while none of them spoke. Arjun inhaled deeply.
"That was a - magnanimous gesture! What made you say it, and how do you feel now?"
She looked outside the window of the cabin, staring into nothingness. "I went through hell after what he did to me. But I am getting better every day. I have therapy, I have the full support of my family and my friends. So I feel I am blessed. But he has something worse in store for him. The jail in which he lives, is nothing compared to the prison in which his mind will stay from now. I saw remorse and regret in his eyes that day, and I know that they both will stay with him for a long time. So, I did the least I could do, and that is tell him that I forgive him."
Arjun was deeply impressed with her logic.
"As to how I feel, I feel - liberated. I feel like a thorn that had been piercing my heart has finally been removed. I feel free, Sir. I feel light after a long, long time."
The tears came again but this time Arjun knew they were tears of relief and respite from all the suffering and hatred she had borne in her mind. He allowed her to cry for some time.
And then, magic of all the magics, she smiled. She actually smiled for the first time in his office, in the four months of therapy she had been taking. He felt like shouting 'Yay!' to the whole world but decided it would come off as totally unprofessional of him.
"There is another thing I wanted to tell you. Something good, this time." She smiled yet again and he smiled back at her.
"This psychiatrist could do with all the good news you can give!" He said cheerfully.
"I am ready to think about being in a relationship."
Is it too soon, he thought in apprehension.
"Not that I am immediately going to get married or anything like that. I believe in taking small steps. So, I just registered myself on a marriage portal. And I have given all the information about me there." She looked at him, as if seeking his approval.
"That's a bold move, I have to say." He said cautiously.
"I know. It does feel like too soon, but at the end of the day, I am just like any other person, wanting to love and to be loved. So, for now, I am all about meeting people. Hopefully someone who is meant for me will come into my life at the right time." She said with a slight smile.
"You know how happy it makes me to hear words like 'love' and 'hope' from you?? You so deserve both of this, and much, much more! I am proud to say that you are doing really, really well. You have come a long way from the first silent session, and I see better and joyful times for you ahead."
She smiled shyly.
"So, it looks like you won't be needing my services any more now!" He said with his eyebrows raised.
For a second, she looked like her former self - wide-eyed, panicked and afraid. But the look was gradually replaced by one of acceptance. She nodded her head.
"I want you to know that anytime you feel the need for therapy, please don't hesitate to seek out help." He said gravely. "Also remember that you deserve to be happy, to be at peace and everything good in life. Don't convince yourself otherwise, okay?"
He got up from his seat. To his pleasure, she extended her hand to him, the first time she had sought out human touch after the incident. He shook her hand warmly and escorted her out of the cabin, hoping and praying that she would never ever feel the need for therapy again.
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