The Day of The Fight...

Raman sat at the table of the hotel and kept looking at his watch every two minutes. He was really hungry and couldn't wait to eat a sumptuous dinner. Satish should be here any minute now, he thought.

Ten minutes later, he saw Satish enter the hotel and search for him. Raman eagerly lifted his hand and waved at Satish who approached the table with an amused expression on his face.

“I take it, there was another fight today?” Satish asked while he sat on the chair opposite to Raman.

“Yes. No guesses on how you came to know about it.”

Satish took out his cell and showed the screen to Raman. “Your message – It is Khichdi today – speaks out volumes about the situation at home. I am almost afraid to ask, what prompted the fight today?”

“A silly television serial, can you imagine!” Raman banged his palm on the table and Satish narrowed his eyes at him.

“Please tell me that you didn’t comment on the serial. I have told you many times that commenting on tv serials that women watch, lays down the foundation for war at home.”

Raman kept a straight face as he said. “Will you believe me if I say that I didn’t utter a single word, and that just my presence was enough to set tempers flying?”

Satish thought for a while. “I believe you. Been there, done that, buddy!” He said seriously.

“I am ravenously hungry. I can’t eat khichdi today when the climate is just perfect for something salty, spicy and buttery. Let’s order Butter Naan today and Veg Kolhapuri for curry.” Raman passed on the menu card to Satish.

Satish scanned the card and said. “Besides the curry, there is a sign of two small chillies. That means it is very spicy. Are you sure you are allowed to eat this?”

“No one, absolutely no one can dictate what I should eat and what I shouldn’t! Order it!” Raman said firmly and Satish chuckled. He placed the order.

They looked around at the hotel. They saw a couple sitting in a table adjacent to their table. There was no communication between them. The female was picking at her dish with a fork while the guy was tapping his foot eagerly and looking around everywhere, as if he was eager to go.

“Tell me something. Why does that happen?” Satish asked in a low voice.

“What? The fighting?” Raman asked, totally confused.

“No, for God’s sake, get off your mind from the damn fight. I am asking about that.” He gestured to the couple with a shake of his head and Raman looked at them. He observed the situation.

“There is no communication between them. Both have come out to enjoy but it feels like they have been forced to have dinner here.” Raman commented sadly in a low voice.

“I hope myself and Ritu do not reach that stage.” Satish said with trepidation.

“I am not worried about my wife. She can blow the ears off anyone, anywhere and any time. The female never runs out of topics to speak, shout, argue and cry about.”

While Satish laughed heartily at this comment, the waiter brought their order and served them. Both the guys attacked the dish like they had not eaten anything since many days.

“Tell me one thing.” Satish asked as he chewed his food slowly. “Why do women fight?”

Raman stared at him with wide eyes. “You are asking me? Believe me, when it comes to women, I am the last to comment anything about their behavior.”

“And yet you keep on commenting about your wife’s behavior and make fun of her always.” Satish playfully wagged a finger at Raman who cringed with embarrassment.

“I know. But outside the home, I can talk about the female. At home, she is the boss! I don’t get any chance to talk or make fun of her. How is a man supposed to vent out his feelings?” Raman asked with indignation while Satish roared with laughter.

“Don’t laugh. I can see the same fate for you too. That warrior woman of yours will try your patience some time soon. You better be prepared.” Raman warned Satish seriously as he gulped down the cold drink that they had ordered.

“Yes, I too am dreading it. I hope I am able to handle her in the right way and ensure peace at home.”

Satish’s face took a pensive expression which made Raman laugh for the first time.

“Look at you. It feels like someone pronounced your death sentence. Relax. The way you both are going, I am sure you will be very patient and gentle with your woman. The same way that I am, at home, atleast.”

Half an hour later, they were both sitting inside Satish’s car at the entrance of the building.

“Dad, I really don’t feel like going inside. When the ladies fight with each other, they give really negative vibes.” Satish said miserably.

“Oh come on, man up! Sometimes I wonder what kind of son I have raised!” Raman hit Satish on his shoulder and prompted him to enter the building.

“What excuse did you invent for escaping dinner?” Satish asked.

“Sharmaji. He is unwell, having fever since two days. I just went to see him, but Mrs.Sharma didn’t allow me to leave without having dinner.” Raman said with a deadpan face.

Satish looked at him in wonder and shook his head. “You really have been playing this game since a long time, isn’t it? That ensures your escape. What about me? What if Ritu tells me to eat Khichdi?”

“Your headache, your problem.” Raman shrugged while Satish gave him a traitorous look.

 “Sometimes I wonder whether I am your adopted son.” Satish muttered while Raman smiled sheepishly.

Five minutes later they knocked on the door hesitatingly. Ritu opened the door and surprise registered on her face.

“I was returning from Sharmaji’s home and met Satish at the entrance of our building.” Raman lied with confidence and Satish gave a grateful look to him.

“Eh, Where is Kusum?” Raman asked timidly and watched his daughter-in-law’s eyes turn fiercer.

“In your room, Dad. I apologized and tried to make her eat dinner. She refused.”

“Right. I will go and attend to her.” He left for his room before looking at Satish and shrugging.

“Go and freshen yourself up. I will re-heat the Khichdi in the meanwhile.” Ritu said to Satish who started panicking.

“Uh… listen, I already had dinner at office today. It was a team meet and the manager ordered dinner for everyone.” He said and watched her reaction.

“Oh, all right. Then I would better serve it to Dad. He must be hungry. He left for Sharma uncle’s house a long time ago.”

“Actually, he too had dinner at Sharma Uncle’s house. You know Aunty, she would never let dad leave without eating anything at their home.”

“Right. Mom’s not eating, you and dad already had dinner. So I am the only one to eat that khichdi!” She said in a clipped tone that showed frustration. She went to the kitchen and Satish quickly traipsed to his room with relief.

Father and son were sitting at the bench in the lawn garden of their building, half an hour later.

“The house seems awfully quiet when the females don’t talk, don’t you think so?” Raman said.

“Agree, Dad. It feels really boring. How to bring them both on speaking terms with each other?”

They both sat thinking for a while and suddenly Raman exclaimed. “Aha, I have the perfect plan!”

“What?” Satish asked eagerly.

“We both will tell them the truth that we dined out together. It will bond the females. You know how they function as a team when they fight with us!”

“But Dad, Mom will go ballistic! Are you going to tell her that you ate that spicy Veg Kolhapuri???”

“Of course, that will make both the females madder at us! Ritu will fry your brain for allowing me to eat it and Kusum will just go speechless with anger! And then, both females will look at each other and ask, ‘What do we do with these guys?’ I say, this is the perfect way to unite them.”

Satish swallowed the lump in his throat and asked, “Are you serious about this Dad?”

“Damn serious! Come on, get up, we need to tell our wives that we lied to them!”Raman said eagerly and cheerfully. Satish shook his head and got up. Together both the guys walked towards their home, prepared to get martyred to unite their wives.