Kulkarni's Bucket-list

Write Tribe

It was proving to be a sheer torture to simply get up. But get up he did, and looked out of the window of the room. Morning had just set in, the light outside neither too bright nor dim, just about enough to herald the beginning of another day. At fifty years of age, Kulkarni was at the evening of his life. His battle of two years against cancer was at the last stage and he was on the losing side.

At this phase, it didn’t bother him. It had been tough for the first few months, him constantly waging a war against despair, panic and grief. But a death sentence was actually turning out to be a boon, as he realized. For it no longer worried him when he knew that his days on this earth were numbered, and every additional day he woke up seemed to be a bonus. There was no knowing which one would be his last day, so he lived every day to the fullest.

Of course, the grief set in now and then, bringing along with it a fear of the mysterious journey he would embark on soon. The evenings were the worst, for they often made him dull and sad. When sadness came, he embraced it, and surrendered to tears. They always brought relief, the tears. He felt them cleanse his soul and refresh him. Every night he went to sleep with the peace of knowing that nothing really was in his hands now.

Attending to his morning chores was not enjoyable any more, yet he managed to get everything done. He rang up the reception of the hotel and ordered breakfast for him. Yes, of course, he was staying in a hotel, because it was a thing mentioned in his bucket list, the new trend that apparently, terminally-ill people were following. They made a list of things they would like to do before kicking the bucket, and some definitely did it.

This bucket list was the brilliant idea of his son who insisted that Kulkarni should enjoy the last days of his life. They both had prepared the bucket list together, amidst lot of laughter and tears. Oh yes, his son was affected badly. One would think that a man in his thirties, having a family of his own, would have learnt to be strong by now, but no! The boy inside the man had cried pitifully, even more than Kulkarni had. It had tempted Kulkarni badly to long for a second innings. But all tests had been done and there really was no scope. It took a while for his son to accept this, but he seemed to be okay with it now.

Today Kulkarni was supposed to check out from the hotel and return home. He had stayed in the hotel for a week, enjoyed room service, had also attempted the swimming pool. His son regularly took updates from him. And by regularly, it meant hourly. Frankly, more than being humbled, it irritated Kulkarni to no extent. Well, today the torture would be over and he would be at his home, where his son could drop by whenever he wished to check on him.

After having breakfast, Kulkarni packed his meager suitcase and checked-out of the hotel, looking at it lovingly while leaving, for he knew that the chances were few that he would return back. He tipped the staff generously and gave a good feedback about the hotel. By the time his rental car came to pick him up, he was just about ready to hit the bed again. Yes, cancer tired the body and spirit very easily.

An hour later when he had reached home and rested for a while, he took out the bucket list to check the remaining items. He checked the items one by one.

1. Buy that expensive Ipad that I have been lusting after since a while. – Done.

2. Learn the basics of swimming. – Done.

3. Make peace with Shah (His building-member with whom he had had a life-long feud) – Done (with great difficulty, he added in the bracket for his son to check).

4. Watch atleast one season of IPL in a 40-inch Television (Done. Brought the TV, got a connection especially for this!)

5. Stay in a hotel for a week and pamper myself. Done

He came to the last item and did a double-take. Oh God, how could he do this one now? It simply read –

6. Go on a date.

He groaned loudly. Did I actually tell my son that I wished to go on a date? He looked at the picture of his late wife and shrugged guiltily. Sorry, I must not have been on a right state of mind that day. Don’t take it in the wrong way okay.

For a while, he sat miserably, wondering how to get the last item of his list done. Even if I agree to do this, whom would I take on a date with me? Unbidden, the image of Ms.Fernandes came to his mind, startling him. Oh, how did that happen?

Ms.Fernandes lived in his building on the floor below his. She was a widow and had lost her husband about two years ago. Ironical, Kulkarni thought sadly, that Mr.Fernandes died just about the same time when my own death sentence was pronounced! She was in her mid-fifties, having a tall and proud posture. She had a no-nonsense attitude that showed in all the meetings of the society. She had a strict demeanor and didn’t hesitate to show it. So, why would such a person come to my mind as a prospective candidate for a date, he thought in amusement. Because she has always been nice to you, always greeted you whenever you met her, his sub-conscious mind reminded him.

He looked at the bucket-list, he remembered his son’s tear-streaked face and eager expression while preparing the list and decided to complete it at any cost.

Fifteen minutes later, he rang the doorbell at Ms.Fernandes’ house. He tapped his pocket nervously to ensure the presence of the list. She opened the door with a surprised look.

“Oh it’s you Ramesh.” She remarked pleasantly. She always made it a point to address everyone by their first name.

“Umm.. may I come in? I need some help.” Kulkarni said nervously.

“Please do come in!” She made way for him and followed him to her living room. She sat in the sofa in front of him and waited expectantly for him to begin. He nervously cleared his throat.

“Ms.Fernandes, the thing is.. Well, I don’t know how I should say this. Wait a minute.” He took out the bucket list and gave it to her. She raised her eyebrows in amusement but didn’t comment and read the paper.

“I am on a bucket-list.” He said gravely. Her head shot up and he saw her expression change from disbelief to sympathy.

“What is it?”

“Cancer – last stage. Have been fighting since two years now but too tired to make it last anymore. I have no idea of how much time is left, but there is no scope for recovery.”

“I am really, really sorry to hear this. It has come as a shock for me.” She said simply but he was grateful for the sincerity in her tone.

“I get it. I am okay with it. The thing is, my son made this list for me. Told me that I should enjoy my remaining days. Well, I have done everything in the list except the last one which is – to go on a date. I know it sounds ridiculous and silly, but it is my son’s wish. So I want to do it at any cost. I just came to ask you whether..”

“I agree. I will go on a date with you.” She said with a slight smile, taking him aback. Wow, that was really quick and easy!

He gave her a relieved and happy smile. “I can’t tell you how happy you have made me and my son by agreeing to do this. I am really grateful to you. I hope you will take it in the right way. I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

“Ramesh, let us cut down on the formalities. I am not embarrassed at all. I am older than you by three whole years.”

Which has made it a lot more embarrassing for me now! Kulkarni thought miserably. He managed to smile at her. A totally uncomfortably silence followed. He suddenly remembered to ask.

“Oh, you know what, I have no idea about what is expected of me for a date. What should I do?”

She bit back a smile at his confused expression. “For starters, bring some flowers. My Allan used to bring me red roses. You can bring yellow.” She said thoughtfully.

Right, yellow roses. “And.. .what else?”

Her strict expression returned. “Should I tell you everything? Did you never take your wife on a date, Ramesh?” She asked firmly while he winced under her stare.

“I took her to movies with my son. We had him early after our marriage, you know. Right after the first year. There really was no occasion for dates.”

“I see.” She nodded thoughtfully. “You should take me out for dinner at some good restaurant. Dress up nicely and wear shoes. I am really particular about the attire.” She finished in her stern tone.

All right teacher, he almost said but just smiled and nodded his head.

“So can we go tonight?” He asked her hopefully. When she raised her eyebrows in speculation, he quickly added. “This is difficult for me, so I want it to be over as soon as possible.”

She shook her head and laughed. “Just the thing that a lady wishes to hear from the person with whom she would be going on a date! All right then, tonight it is. Come here at sharp 7 pm with the flowers, okay.”

He left for his home, not sure about how he was feeling. It was exciting as well as terrifying too. At home, he ordered for some yellow roses from a nearby florist over the phone and lay on his bed. Suddenly a deep feeling of tiredness came over him. Oh no, not today please, let me complete the last item.. he secretly pleaded, to whom, he didn’t know. But it was as if his borrowed time was reminding him of his impending end. He willed with all his heart for the tiredness to pass away. Feeling defeated, he took his medicine and succumbed to sleep.

When he woke up, it was already 5 in the evening. He checked his phone but thankfully his son had not called. He rang up the florist to remind him about the delivery. He was feeling better after taking the medicine. He prepared a cup of coffee and took some biscuits with it. The doorbell rang. The yellow roses had come. He smiled. They were pretty indeed.

What should I wear for my date.. He stood in front of his wardrobe with his hands on his hips, feeling very excited after months of suffering and grief. At this moment, nothing bothered him, neither his terminal disease, nor his impending and inevitable death. Today he was living again just for the moment, a moment of pure happiness. 

Okay, why not? It is not as if I am going to wear this again. He took out his wedding-reception suit complete with the blazer and laid it down on the bed, admiring it. After a warm shower, he stood in front of the mirror, appraising himself. The blazer hung loosely around his shoulders, for he had lost lot of weight in the past two years. He was now totally bald (Thanks for nothing, blasted Chemo!!). But today his face looked bright and clear, without a trace of any tiredness. Not bad, not bad at all.. 

He gave himself one final appraisal and decided that he had done his best after all.

He made a reservation at a fine-dining hotel situated nearby. It was expensive but cozy and the food and service had earned good reviews. Satisfied with himself, he took the bouquet of yellow roses and checked the time. Five minutes were left for 7 p.m.

He remembered to wear his best shoes and left his house.

When she opened the door, she gave him a satisfied nod. “Punctual and well-dressed. I already like my date for the evening.” She smiled mischievously. She was dressed simply in a sober saree. He was touched that she had agreed to do this. He decided to make the evening enjoyable and memorable for her.

“Oh, these are for you.” He handed over the roses which she accepted with a sweet smile. They stared at each other for few uncomfortable seconds.

“Um.. shall we?” He gestured to the door and she took her purse after arranging the roses in a vase.

“I have booked a table for us at the fine-dining hotel. I hope you like it.” He said nervously as he got inside the rental car that he had called for.

“It’s fine. I have dined a few times there with Allan. It’s a good hotel.” She assured him and he gave a relieved sigh.

“You must miss Allan a lot.” He remarked. They were having a comfortable dinner at a table overlooking the busy road outside. The first few minutes had been really awkward but surprisingly, 

Ms.Fernandes initiated the conversation. From hobbies and likes-dislikes, they had moved to family matters and the places they had travelled.

“Oh yes, I miss him and how! When he passed away, I thought I won’t survive for a month without him. The month turned into year, year has turned into two years now… And here I am! Still alive and living life in the best possible way... It is amazing how time heals everything.”

He nodded gravely. “Time heals indeed. When my wife passed away, it was like a part of me died with her. But I couldn’t get any time to grieve properly, for my cancer made its presence felt just within few months of her death. It nullified every thought and emotion. It still does sometimes.”

She looked at him intently and he felt encouraged to go on. “The evenings are the worst. They make me dull, they remind me of my end, they make me question about what lays ahead. They scare me, the evenings.” He said in a low voice and sat back in his chair, his appetite slowly vanishing.

“I wish I could do something to help.” She said in a tone that spoke of sincerity, sorrow and regret.

“Oh but you already did, Ms.Fernandes. By spending an evening with this dying man, you have already spared him the moroseness of one evening. And I hope the memory of today will soothe me for the rest of the evenings that I may see.” He said with a slight smile.

She looked out for few seconds, seemingly lost in thought. He already regretted burdening her with his sorrows and spoiling their date.

“There is this new animation movie running in theatres that I wish to see. How about tomorrow evening? Can we go?” She asked without any hesitation and awkwardness and he was taken aback yet again, by her generous spirit and inner strength. He recovered himself and said with a chuckle. “I would love to, Ms.Fernandes. If I wake up tomorrow and make it till evening, then we are definitely on for our second date.”

“One must never lose hope, Ramesh.” She chided him in a stern voice.

He smiled affectionately at her. “My dear Ms.Fernandes, hope is just the thing that I cannot afford to have.” She brushed off his statement with a wave of her hand but he could see that she was affected by it. He cleared his throat. “So, any etiquette required while taking a lady to a movie?” He saw her laugh and just like that, the sad moment passed away, leaving only the anticipation of spending another day together.

They decided to walk back to the building. Kulkarni was feeling tired by now and started fantasizing about his warm and cozy bed. Ms.Fernandes walked casually beside him, her face not giving away anything.

“I can’t thank you enough for today, Ms.Fernandes.” He said sincerely when they reached her flat.

“It has been a pleasure, Ramesh. See you tomorrow for the movie?” It was both a question, and an affirmation and he felt a huge wave of sadness envelop him. “Sure. Good night.” She accepted his answer with a smile and waved to him as she got inside her flat.

He slowly made it to his flat and immediately sought out his bed the moment he went inside. He reached for his medicine and after popping it, he lay down, still dressed in his blazer suit. Thank you for another day, he said his usual daily affirmation. I hope you let me see tomorrow too. If I make it tomorrow, there will be another item in my bucket-list. Finally blessed sleep took over.

He did wake up the other day, and the first thing he did was – write on the bucket list.

7. Movie with Ms.Fernandes.

He had been living every day. Now he would start living as per every item on his bucket list.