Paralysis of the heart

Write Tribe

“Our fate lives within us; you only have to be brave enough to see.” - Brave

It was as if watching his life flash by in slow-motion. Om could see the truck approaching him at an impossibly high speed. But there was really nothing he could do to avoid his bike from colliding with the truck. He achieved a state of total blank at the time of collision, no thoughts, no feelings, no emotions… Just a state of total blank…

He lay suspended in a limbo, drifting in and out of consciousness. At times he saw and heard people, at other times, there was the feeling of Nothingness. Sometimes he felt the pain and sometimes the need to succumb to the deep sleep that his consciousness seemed to crave. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, ages – there was no awareness of time. Sleep was all that existed in the world.

And then that day he woke up. He looked around and realized that he was in a hospital. He didn’t feel any more pain. In fact, he realized that he couldn’t feel anything at all. He saw his parents gathered around him, their expression, a mixture of relief and grief. He smiled at them weakly and gave a thumbs-up sign. His mother visibly collapsed and sobbed while his father nodded his head and wiped his eyes at the sleeve of his shirt.

The doctor came to meet him. “How are you feeling, Om?”

“I can’t say. I am not feeling anything at all.” He replied with a chuckle.

The doctor’s expression did not give away anything.

“What day is it?” Om asked his parents, suddenly feeling a trace of anxiety, some sort of premonition.

When they told him, he looked at them in disbelief. Four days had passed since the accident, and it seemed that he had been drifting in and out all this while.

“What exactly happened? The last thing I remember is the awful collision.” He said, shuddering at the terrifying memory of the truck looming large in front of him.

“You escaped hitting your head, it seems. Your legs bore the brunt of the accident.” The doctor replied in a firm yet kind voice.

“Nothing irreparable, right?” Om asked with a sinking feeling in his heart.

“We will see. Can you get up?” The doctor asked him. When he nodded, the doctor approached him and held his hand to support him. It was good that the doctor had supported him, for the moment Om kept his legs down, he buckled and almost collapsed but the doctor controlled his fall. He helped him to lie on the bed again.

“Why did that happen?” This time, Om could not hide his panic.

“It pains me to say that your leg muscles were badly squashed in the accident. You cannot walk. For now, this is all that I can say. But the medical field has made enough breakthroughs and I can safely assure you that you can attempt some kind of treatment. There are many options. I can’t assure you that they will work. All I can say is, you are young, you have the benefit of age and good health, you should definitely attempt treatment.”

“Will I be able to walk again?” Om asked in a deadpan voice. His parents had now lost their composure and were crying. He couldn’t feel anything inside. It was as if his heart too were as paralyzed as his legs.

“I have seen cases like you attempt treatment and succeed. I have seen some cases fail too. Every human being responds differently to treatment. I cannot assure you of anything at this stage. All I can say is, if you do not attempt treatment, you are losing whatever chance you ever had of walking.”

Om nodded. Seeing that the doctor was waiting for his decision, he spoke in a low voice. “I need some time to think about this.”

The doctor looked at him as if he wanted to say something but refrained from making any remark. He got up and patted his shoulder. “Don’t give up. Have faith in yourself. That’s all I can say for now. Hope you take the right decision.” He spoke comfortingly to his parents and left the unit.

From that moment on, it could be said that Om operated on a robotic mode. He ate whatever his mother fed him, he took the prescribed medicines. He answered to whatever the doctor asked. He developed a routine for the day. But he never, ever, spoke about the treatment. In fact, he didn’t speak at all unless required. His parents broached the topic of treatment but he never answered them properly. It was as if he had already decided and accepted his fate.

Sometimes Om thought about why he hadn’t cried yet. He didn’t cry when he had to depend on strangers for his basic needs of the day. He didn’t cry at the first sight of his wheelchair. He embraced the humiliating feeling of being wheeled to his home, being lifted by people while getting inside the car and getting out. He accepted the startled glances that the people of his building gave to him when they saw him on the wheelchair.

He lost all idea of time. He had no idea about what day it was. He lounged on his bed and stared at the ceiling most of the times. When sleep came, he succumbed to it eagerly as it brought some respite. Waking up was tough these days as it usually came with the stark realization of his condition. And yet the tears never came.

It was another day and he had carried on his routine when the bell rang. He had strictly forbidden his parents from imposing any visitors on him as he didn’t want to see anybody. He heard his mother sobbing in the hall-room and shook his head. His mother was taking this worse than him. And that’s why he didn’t want any visitors. They seemed to make her cry harder, rather than comfort her.

The door of his room opened and he gasped. There stood Ajinkya, his childhood friend, his best friend, his brother from another mother, the other part of his soul. He couldn’t believe it. Ajinkya was settled abroad and yet, here he was, reaching out to Om at his time of need. Ajinkya had his arm around Om’s mother’s shoulders, comforting her as she sobbed her heart out at seeing him.

“Aunty, can I talk to him alone for some time?” Ajinkya softly asked her and she nodded, wiping her eyes.

“You better make my favourite lunch. I am going to stay for a while.” He said with a slight smile and she smiled back at him. It seemed like her first smile since the day of the accident.

Ajinkya came inside and closed the door softly. As he approached the bed, Om saw his face. There was sorrow in it, but more than that, there was anger, deep-rooted anger that flashed from his eyes. And then Ajinkya did the unbelievable.

As he stood in front of Om, he punched Om on his shoulder really hard with his fist. Om held out a hand at his shoulder to repress the pain. And then the dam broke. Om burst into heavy sobs, his whole thin body shaking with the weight of his grief. Ajinkya sat down on the bed and hugged him. 

Om hugged him back but could not stop sobbing. They sat like that for a long, long while.

“When did you return?” Om withdrew back from the hug and asked in a hollow voice, once his stock of tears was exhausted.

Ajinkya wiped his eyes and said. “What do you think? I came here directly from the airport, you idiot. Did you think that I would do some sightseeing before dropping by to see you?”

Om gestured to his legs. “Gone, man. They are gone forever.” He said with a laugh that bordered on the edge of a sob.

“So it is as I feared. You gave up.” Om shrugged his shoulders at Ajinkya’s comment.

“Come with me, I am taking you to the beach.” Ajinkya got up from the bed.

“Na, I am very comfortable here.” Om said, laughing at his own sad joke. It was as if Ajinkya had brought back everything, his laughter, his tears, emotions and feelings.

“I am not asking you, I am telling you that we are going to the beach. Just climb onto your wheelie and oblige me.”

“Some arrogant fellows never change.” Om said with a chuckle. “Wheelie? That’s quite a cute name for a sinister-looking object, isn’t it?”

“Are you coming or not?” Ajinkya said in an irritated yet amused voice.

“All right…” Om said and began the tedious procedure of getting down from his bed onto his wheelchair. Ajinkya, very subdued now, helped him and wheeled him out of his home and his building. Om’s parents saw him go with wonder and hope in their face.

Almost ten minutes later they were at the beach. It was noon, yet the sun wasn’t harsh. Some people were sitting on the sand and chatting. Some were just strolling. The waves frolicked happily, crashing and foaming in their own beautiful world.

Silently, Ajinkya opened a bag and took out a pair of shoes. He kept them beneath Om’s wheelchair.

Om looked at him sadly.

“I am giving you hope, Om. That some day, you will get to wear these shoes, walk, jog, run, dance… although, you are a terrible dancer, I have to say this.” Ajinkya said with a light smile, trying to turn a serious moment into something lighter and casual.

Om smiled back but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh, and why is that? What would you lose if you go for the treatment? If it is a financial issue, then tell me. I will arrange for your treatment totally at my expense. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oooh… Mr.Moneybags has suddenly stepped in.” Om said in a mocking tone but he was touched by Ajinkya’s offer. “It is not a financial issue. I know I can’t go through the procedure of building up my hopes, only to have them dashed again. I have accepted my fate and I am okay with it.”

There was finality in his tone that would have stopped any other person from responding back. But Ajinkya was not just another person, he was Om’s soul-mate, equally adamant and determined. He refused to let go of the issue.

“Do you remember the movie Brave that we saw before I left the country? There was this line that captivated both of us. We even remarked that animation movies are the best solely because they give such thought-provoking quotes.” Ajinkya said, looking at Om expectantly.

Om recalled the movie and the quote. When he spoke it out aloud, he was joined by Ajinkya too. “Our fate lives within us; you only have to be brave enough to see.”

There was silence for few minutes. Then Ajinkya spoke softly. “Are you brave enough to see it, Om? Do you see what you are doing? To avoid the risk of heart-break, you are letting go of the chance for recovery and happiness. Don’t do this, Om. Go for the treatment. You owe this to yourself, you owe this to your family and you owe this to me as well. I can’t tell you how painful it is for me to see you so. For my sake, for the sake of your family, please take up some treatment.”

Om gulped. “What if it doesn’t work?” He asked in a low voice laced with sorrow and despair.

“What if it works, man? Do your best and leave it then. You would atleast have the satisfaction of having tried your best. Please agree, please say you will go for the treatment.” Ajinkya pleaded with folded hands which Om immediately caught between his hands and gripped them tightly.

“Will you be with me for the treatment? Atleast stay for the first few days. Until I get used to it.” Om said in a quivering voice and Ajinkya bowed his head in relief.

“Of course, idiot. I am here for two whole months. I will extend if required. You just get onto the road for recovery, my friend. I will be there with you.” He said eagerly.

“You always get your way with me, you stubborn, arrogant brute. I knew when I saw you that it would end up like this.” Om said, laughingly wiping his tears while Ajinkya did the same.

“It’s not the end. It is the beginning of the road to recovery. And we are going to travel together.” Ajinkya draped his hand around Om’s shoulders and smiled.

Om smiled back. All was starting to look well in his world again.